


Listen To Your Heart

by ArynjaT, SBurtoft



Category: Backstreet Boys, Popslash
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Cock Rings, Creepy Old Lou, DM Story, Dom/sub, Drama, Handcuffs, Homophobia, Intense love, Internal homophobia, M/M, Multiple Orgasms, No Leighanne, Paddle, Roleplay Like, Romance, Secrets, Sex, heart issues, sex with toys
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-28
Updated: 2021-02-23
Packaged: 2021-03-14 04:47:46
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 25,180
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29040378
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ArynjaT/pseuds/ArynjaT, https://archiveofourown.org/users/SBurtoft/pseuds/SBurtoft
Summary: Brian and Nick are in an incredibly loving relationship. Their Life is great, their Love is great and their Sex Life is great as well, but Brian harbors a secret.He thought he could ignore the tiny hole he had in his heart, but one day he starts feeling sick.This is another heart issue story. This one handles the topic quite creatively free. The timeline is not accurate, there is no Leighanne and the details of what happened are oftentimes different from what we know as well.
Relationships: Brian Littrell/Nick Carter, Frick & Frack, Nick Carter/Brian Littrell
Comments: 7
Kudos: 8





	1. Nobody But You

**Author's Note:**

> This story was written by me and my Bestie in twitter DMs. That is why it has a bit of a different format, that is kind of roleplay like.
> 
> We wanted to leave it that way to reflect exactly what we wrote. So you will see a few POV changes in the Chapters. 
> 
> I hope you enjoy what we wrote anyhow :)

* * *

Once again Nick noticed how deeply in love he was. Brian had been so hot today at the video shoot. The "All I Have To Give" video had required them to lay down in a pool of water. Brian had been so wet, that his shirt had been sticking tight to his body. It had pronounced that wonderful back-arch Nick loved so much. Ever since then Nick had not been able to think about anything else. 

Now that they had made it back into their bed at the hotel Nick could finally touch it. Gently he trailed his fingers along Brian's back and released a soft hum.

\---

Brian's skin tingled at his lover's sensual caress and even though he was tired he grabbed hold of Nick's hand and guided him to massage his penis

\---

A moan escaped Brian's throat as he felt Nick's hand on his cock. Gently he pushed his lower body forward thrusting into Nick's hand. He enjoyed Nicky pleasuring him. Brian was so tired, but he couldn't hold back on releasing moans full of sweet pleasure. He loved how Nick was taking care of him, after being such a tease in his sticky wet clothes all day.

Nick massaged Brian's cock from behind but made sure to place kisses all along his neckline.

"I love you Brian," he whispered, "Please let me be all yours. Please tell me that I belong to you. Please Brian. I need you to!"

\---

"You're all mine Nick and I'm your's as well. We're always going to have each other, love each other, fuck each other, but most importantly be there for each other. I love you," Brian said.

\---

Nick felt so delighted, his heart was jumping for joy. For a moment he forgot to rub Brian's cock, but as Bri thrusted forward into his hand again he continued, firmer and faster. Set on satisfying his lover completely, he rubbed Brian with determination until he wasn't able to take at anymore.

Soon Nick felt how Brian tensed up and moaned loudly. A moment later he came onto his hand.

\---

Nick loved the feeling of Brian's warm and creamy load in his hands and licked some off. He loved the taste of his man. A dirty little smile took shape on his lips as he looked at Brian. Then he rubbed his wet and sticky hand on Brian's chest before getting on top of him and licking the cum off again. Nick got even more aroused at the feel of his lover's toned chest and smooth and sticky skin

\---

Brian chuckled as Nick did that and opened his eyes again. He wanted to sleep, but he had not expected the way Nick could sometimes be.

"Why do you always have to be needy like that?" Brian asked with a playful growl.

He didn't know if he should be amused by Nick's fun in playing with his cum, but he definitely was aroused by it.

"You're so naughty!" Brian scolded teasingly, then grabbed Nick's wrist.

In a swift motion he spun Nick around pinning him under his weight.

"You should know your place by now Nicky!" He said before leaning down and biting Nick's cheek, just a tad harder than needed. He had to be punished for being so insolent.

\---

Nick loved it when Brian pressed down on him and as Nick looked up into his lovers eyes his heart felt like it would burst as he thought how this gorgeous man was all his. He loved looking into Brian's eyes and he noticed that extra sparkle that always shone in them when they were together.

Nick's whole body tensed when Brian's cock pressed down and Nick loved to grab it to hold it tight against his own feeling them both grow bigger and harder together. This was one of the most intense and sensual experiences Nick had ever had. All he longed for was to submit to Brian and for Brian to use him as he wished for his own pleasure. It gave Nick the greatest pleasure to see Brian aroused, breathless and moaning in desire as he pounded him hard.

It was clear now from Brian's words that Nick needed to be taught a lesson and as Brian bit into his cheek Nick's whole body craved to be dominated by Brian. 

"Teach me a lesson Brian, I'm so bad and I need to be punished," Nick whispered in his lover's ear as Brian pressed down harder on him and Nick's mind was filled with images of what his punishment might be.

\---

Brian could be quite creative when it came to finding new ways to punish his lover. Nick was being extra needy tonight, too, he would need to find something good. This night would have to be special, both for Brian and for his young lover.

He bit his lower lip, as he thought about the little things he had bought a while ago. Only 23 years old, Brian was ready to experiment. Slowly he propped himself up a little bit so he could crawl over Nick towards the nightstand. Slowly he opened its drawer and got out the new toys: cock rings, one for himself, the other for Nick. If they did what they promised they would lead to a bigger and harder erection. Brian was skeptical, but he was ready to give it a try. 

He chuckled amused as he noticed Nick watching him intently. 

"This one is for you Nicky," Brian said and showed him one of the rings.

It was made of metal and was pretty big, but that was what it needed to be considering Nicky had such a monster cock without it already. 

"Let's put it on you, right?" Brian asked then moved backwards until he was kneeling between Nick's legs.

With gentle fingers he took a hold of Nick's cock and carefully put the ring onto it. While doing so he watched Nick's eyes, smiling as he saw the fire in them. Nicky was loving this.

Brian snickered as the ring was in place, just in time. If Nick's cock had gotten any harder, he wouldn't have been able to push the ring onto it anymore.

That was a problem he was aware of and the reason, why he quickly started to apply his ring onto his own cock.

"Well Nicky, what lesson could I teach you?" he asked in a sing-sang voice, "You're so dirty, you know everything already, don't you?"

Brian smirked as he was kneeling in front of Nick, towering over him, something that wasn't the case often. He loved it. One of the annoyances of his daily life was that he was smaller than Nick. So having Nick look up to him now made him feel happy.

He hummed as he moved over to the nightstand again and got out some leather handcuffs. Nicky would learn a new meaning of pleasure tonight.

In a quick motion Brian grabbed Nick's wrists and locked them into the cuffs, behind Nick's back.

This play was getting hot. Tying Nicky up like that, making him unable to move, unable to do anything against his advances, drove Brian wild. Nicky would be all his tonight. His sweet lover's fate lay in Brian's hands and he could play with Nick any way he wanted.

If Nick had only made one move or sound to tell him that he didn't like it, Brian would have stopped, but Nick didn't.

"You're so so needy Nicky. You need to learn to control that cock of yours," Brian said in a sultry voice as he took a firm hold of Nick's dick.

With trained motions he started to rub Nick, all the while looking into his eyes. First he started slow, but then he got faster.

"How does it feel to be rubbed, with that ring on your cock?" Brian grinned, "I'm sure you can't wait to shoot your load right up into my face. You love that don't you? Seeing me licking up your cum the best way I can?", he gave some kind of purr, then pulled his hand away from Nick's cock, "You won't come now though, you won't come until I allow you to."

That said he turned Nick over to the side and fished for yet another toy in the nightstand. Brian had gotten an impressive collection of these ever since he started enjoying Nick's company that much.

He pulled out a paddle and gently, then firmer started to slap Nick's butt with it.

"This is what happens to needy bad boys like you," Brian said and hummed, enjoying this so much, he felt his own cock throbbing.

\---

Nick saw Brian reach over him. Brian's erect cock already wet with pre-cum was leaving a sticky little trail across Nick's stomach. Fuck, how he longed to wipe that little trail from Brian with his finger to savour it on his tongue, but he knew that Brian was in charge right now. Only Brian could instruct Nick what to do. Nick loved this and holding back until Brian allowed him to let go gave Nick such a thrill that he felt himself getting bigger. He could feel his own pre-cum dripping onto the bottom of his stomach.

Brian was opening the drawer, and Nick's imagination raced as to what it contained. Nick's heart started racing with excitement as he saw Brian pull out a couple of cock rings. He knew exactly what it was, but had never experienced one himself.

Now he could.

He loved how Brian wanted to be experimental in their sex play and was only too happy to be the one Brian experimented with. 

Nick was younger than Brian, but there was no doubt that Brian had made him a man. He had opened his eyes to a new world of sensuality and sexuality that he yearned to explore more and more with this gorgeous man. 

As Brian slipped the cock ring it felt tight on him as he was already so big, but this added to the intense sensation that rippled through Nick's erect cock and sent the adrenaline pumping through his veins. 

He longed for Brian to touch him, suck him and use him for his own pleasures. 

_"You're so dirty, you know everything already, don't you?"_ Brian teased him. 

Nick loved this as being younger and less experienced than Brian, he worried if he satisfied him enough. He wondered if he was adventurous enough to satisfy Brian's needs and desires. Nick loved him with all his heart and soul and wanted to be his everything.

Brian produced a pair of handcuffs and cuffed Nick's hands behind his back.

 _"Jesus, I'm so horny right now,"_ Nick thought.

He knew Brian was going to play with him and tease him. Surely he was going to make him beg to be fucked hard and then to be allowed to cum. This drove Nick crazy as he could feel already that when his cock exploded, it was going to be one hell of an ejaculation and he pictured in his mind Brian's mouth and lips dripping in his cum or Brian's ass oozing Nick's load.

It was obviously going to be up to Brian which way he was going to take Nick- orally or anally. Nick didn't care as long as he satisfied Brian and was able to shoot his load as he was so desperate for Brian to allow his release now.

Brian started toying with Nick's cock and pulses of sheer ecstasy cascaded through Nick as he started to pant and found it hard to breathe. He felt such intensity of sexual pleasure from Brian's touch and the way the cock ring kept him so hard and pressed against his erection. Nick knew Brian wouldn't let him cum so easily and as Brian stopped rubbing him hard and produced a paddle Nick knew he was in for a good spanking. 

"I'm a real bad boy, Brian. I'm so naughty and I know I need to take my punishment," Nick teased.

He could feel his ass cheeks burning up and reddening, but Nick wanted more, _a lot_ more and as he screamed in pleasure every time Brian hit him with the paddle Nick knew that pain really was the sweetest pleasure.

\---

Brian couldn't help but snicker seeing how much Nick was enjoying being spanked. It was a side of him, that Brian thought he didn't explore enough. It was damn kinky and sexy to have his lover scream out in passion as he was being slapped. 

Nick's pleasure was so infectious, that Brian started to play off of his joy.

"Mhhh ... Nicky, you were more than just a bad boy," Brian said as he let the paddle fly again, "You've become so damn needy. Every time we are alone your dick is the first thing to greet me."

Once again Brian let the paddle fly this time a bit harder. Of course he loved the exact thing he was punishing Nick for, but since his lover enjoyed the pain so much, Brian knew he would be even more naughty in the future to provoke punishment again. Brian loved the idea, that cycle of sexual advances and deeds. He knew how to play his Nicky.

"Like today, you knew I wanted to sleep, but you couldn't keep your hands off me, could you? Were you longing for my cock so badly?" He asked in a half-whispered voice, letting the paddle fly down even harder, "And then you smeared my cum everywhere, and licked it. You're a real, real dirty boy Nicky. You deserve this spanking."

Brian smirked seeing Nick's glossy eyes, he knew he wouldn't be able to take much more of this pain, but he wanted to take him to the edge. The last slap was particularly hard and it made Nick whimper.

"This is what happens to naughty boys," Brian said his voice now softer.

He saw the pleasure in Nick's eyes, but he also knew the last hit had truly hurt, Nick's ass cheek was quite red and burning. Brian loved that Nick was his sub and he loved to show him his place, but he was also caring. 

Gently he brought a hand up to Nick's face to stroke across it. He moved Nick's hair away to look into his eyes. Brian wanted to make sure he was okay. As Nick basically moaned to his touch and gave a horny smile, Brian knew everything was alright.

"Your ass is so red now," Brian said appreciating looking at that round butt.

He loved to look at it on stage, but here in bed, all naked it was even much better. Gently he brought his hands out to rub Nick's burning cheeks. 

"Mhhhh ... I love your full ass," Brian said enjoying doing dirty talk.

He leaned down and placed a few kisses on Nick's raw butt skin. Just a few well placed ones, caressing him lightly. As his lips touched Nick's butt he could feel the heat emanating from the skin. He really had given him a good spanking.

Before he continued Brian leaned to the nightstand again and got out some lube.

"I'll make you feel better, babe," he said in a soft voice as he applied the stuff to his cock and a bit of it around Nick's butt-hole. "But remember, you don't come until I tell you to!" Brian reminded Nick before he placed the tip of his cock at Nick's entrance.

Now the last trick he had up his sleeve for the night would come into play and it would bring both of them great joy. Those cock rings Brian chose weren't ordinary ones, they had a special function.

With a dark glint in his eyes Brian pushed a small button on the side of his ring, which then started vibrating. That vibration was enough to produce a deep growl from his throat. His cock was already throbbing and the vibration was only stimulating it more. 

He couldn't remember any time his cock had ever felt this hard and big, those cock rings were really a nice toy. Brian hoped Nick agreed.

Without hesitating he turned Nick onto his back so he could look into his eyes, then he positioned his lover in front of him. He put a pillow under the curve of Nick's back then lifted his legs. It all went very quickly and soon Brian's cock was pressing into Nick's entrance, still vibrating due to the cock ring.

"Baby, I want you so bad," Brian said then thrusted forward slowly.

He had done this so many times before, but today Nick felt particularly tight. He didn't know if the cock ring was at fault or if he maybe was just imagining things, but it made him close his eyes and moan as he first entered him.

"Damn you're so tight," he said with another groan full of desire. 

Brian didn't let that stop him though as he started the rhythm of fucking Nick. This was his favorite dance, their very own passion play. He made sure to try and hit that one spot that could drive Nick wild with pleasure. Made sure to hit it good.

All he wanted was to see Nick writhing under the pleasure he could give him. He wanted to make him happy, fill him out. Wanted to be his every desire.

Even though Brian seemed to be quite mean today, not allowing Nick to cum, while at the same time making him feel more and more pleasure, it was only to Nick's best. Brian wanted Nick to have the biggest orgasm he ever had. To be the one to make him feel that way, would fill him with such pride.

Seeing Nick, feeling Nick, thinking about what he would do to him it all drove Brian nearly insane with lust and passion. 

As he increased the pace in which he was fucking Nick, he felt so close to orgasm, he couldn't keep his eyes open.

"Nicky," he moaned his name and thrusted even harder.

After a few more thrusts he simply couldn't take it anymore, this whirlwind of pleasure picked him up and spun him around. His scream of lust echoed through the room as he shot his load up into Nick's butt full force.

This was the best feeling in the world, filling Nick up like a cream pie. It left Brian gasping for breath as he slowly pulled back from Nick and let go of his legs. Brian gave him a dreamy smile.

"If only ... our fans knew ... what a dirty, dirty boy ... you are", Brian said silently under heavy breathing and trailed his fingers through Nick's hair again.

As he leaned back he looked at Nick's hard and throbbing monster cock with a smirk. 

"So babe, is there anything else I can do for you?", he asked once again in a sing-sang voice.

Brian knew perfectly well what Nick wanted, but he wanted to hear him say it.

\---

Nick was panting and sweating with the sheer ecstasy of Brian filling him up with his warm and creamy load and now was so desperate for his release. His cock had never felt so erect or sensitive as it did with the cock ring and Nick was desperate for Brian to set his vibrating. Nick knew he was on the verge of a huge ejaculation and he was already so wet with pre-cum.

It drove him crazy that his hands were handcuffed behind his back and was dependent on Brian to allow him to ejaculate, but at the same time Nick loved to be Brian's sub. Nothing pleased him more than knowing he was giving Brian total satisfaction and sexual fulfillment and this in turn gave Nick the most incredible feelings and orgasms. Brian had been his teacher and Nick loved nothing more than to learn new incredible ways of sexual satisfaction and achieving the most incredible orgasms, as Brian used him as he pleased.

"Please Brian, set my ring vibrating. Look at how big and wet I am and it's all for you Brian. Please let me release for you," Nick begged.

All Nick could think of was Brian sucking him and the feel of Brian's tongue up and down his cock while Brian moaned and gagged as Nick went so deep into his mouth. To top it off the vibrating ring would be giving Brian as well as him an extra sensation. 

It was clear though that Brian was going to make Nick beg more for what he wanted, but Jesus, he was so hard and on the verge of exploding that he could barely catch his breath. His whole body tensed and his nerve endings tingled as his cock throbbed harder and harder and the head of his cock got wetter and wetter.

The handcuffs started rubbing Nick's wrists, but he was discovering that pain could be so intense and sweet. Brian didn't even need to speak. He gave the dirtiest smile that aroused Nick even more. It was clear that he wanted Nick to beg more. 

"I'm such a dirty little fucker Brian, you know I am and I want you to suck me so hard that I explode in your mouth. I want to hear you gag and moan as you swallow my cum. I want to see my cum dripping down your lips onto your cheek and I want you to press down on me and kiss me hard so I can taste how good I am. You know how dirty and horny I am so please give me what I deserve!" 

Brian's smile grew and Nick knew these words had hit the spot with his lover.

\---

With astonishment Brian took a note about how Nick begged. He had heard him begging before, but seldom had it been with such strong desire in his voice. It was so obvious, that he was not able to hold on much longer. Nicky needed him and that filled Brian with pride and happiness. 

"You're right," Brian cooed at Nick, "you're a dirty little fucker, but you are my dirty little fucker. And I love you for it!" 

Hearing the words Nick had spoken had filled his heart with so much warmth and love, he just needed to share it. Gently Brian trailed his hand one last time through Nicky's hair, then he positioned himself between Nick's legs.

"You really, really deserve this," Brian said before breathing out the last words, "and so much more."

His breath hit the tip of Nick's big and hard cock and he saw how Nick trembled in response. Brian knew Nick couldn't take much more before he wouldn't be able to hold back anymore, but he just had to reward Nick. Until now Nick had been such a good boy, dirty but listening to his request. He had held back on cumming before Brian allowed it. His reward should be to grant his request.

With a careful motion Brian trailed his hand along the length of Nick's cock until he reached the ring, that was sitting tight around it. With a quick flick of his finger he turned the vibration function on.

Brian bit his lower lip as this caused Nick to writhe in pleasure, caused him to moan. It was obvious Nick could cum any second, but that was not exactly what Nick wanted. He didn't just want to cum, he wanted to cum in Brian's mouth.

So with a smirk playing on his lips Brian brought his mouth up against Nicky's glans. He sucked on it gently, just for a second. Knowing he didn't have much time Brian moved his head further down on Nick's shaft.

Oh god, he was _so_ big and hard. Feeling Nick's monster cock vibrating in his mouth was intoxicating. Brian moaned up against Nick's flesh as he took more of him into his mouth and sucked. The plan was to take in his full length, but Nick was just so damn big. It was a sheer impossible task and soon Brian found himself gagging as the tip of Nick's cock touched the back of his throat.

It _was_ what Nicky had wanted and he could feel him twitch lightly when it happened. Nick was so close and this pushed him even closer to the edge.

When Brian moved his head back and sucked again with some force, Nick just couldn't handle it anymore. Suddenly Nick's body was all tense and then his cum shot up into Brian's mouth. It was so damn much. Brian couldn't remember any time before Nick had come so strongly. 

Brian's mouth soon overflowed and the cum ran out over his lips down his face and chin. He even had to gulp down a little bit of it because it just filled him up so much.

It tasted good, like his Nicky: the best taste in the world. Brian loved it. It took some time till Nick had finally shot all of his cum. Only then when Nick let himself fall back as his penis softened, Brian pulled his lips away from him. 

He drank the last bit of Nick's cum down with a hum, careful to leave the spot on his chin and his lip.

"Oh Nicky, that was good," he said with a grin then crawled over him til his face was hovering above Nick, "Lick me clean, babe!" He demanded and leaned in to give Nick a passionate kiss.

Brian loved to have Nick satisfy him, but he also loved to fulfill his dreams if he deserved it. And he had wanted this kiss, had wanted to taste himself. Brian gladly gave it to him. Nick was so exhausted as Brian kissed him, he was breathing heavily and so Brian released him from the kiss after a moment, just so Nick could catch his breath.

As Nick did that, Brian leaned to the nightstand again to get the key for the handcuffs. Quickly he un-cuffed his Nicky, without a word allowing him to touch him again. Done with that he brought his still cum-stained chin closer to Nick, waiting for him to lick it all up.

"I hope today's lesson taught you what happens to naughty boys if they can't keep their hands to themselves," Brian said in an amused voice as Nick licked up his own cum.

Brian was done. He loved to be dominant with Nick, but their relationship was more than that. Once Nicky had cleaned Brian up he laid down next to him and pulled him close putting a kiss upon his cheek.

"I love you Nicky, thank you for this night," Brian whispered and held him for a moment.

"We should remove the cock rings now and take a shower, don't you think?", Brian asked happily and already started removing his ring.

"Cool down a little? And perhaps finally sleep?" Brian chuckled, despite the fact that Nick had got him to have the most incredible sex, Brian truly was tired. He wanted to sleep, but first they had to be clean.

\---

When Nick exploded in Brian's mouth, it was the most intense orgasm he'd ever experienced. His whole body felt on fire and as Brian gagged and moaned as he greedily swallowed Nick's release Nick felt sensations rippling through his body that were more intense than ever before. 

Brian had showed him so many different ways of making love and Nick wanted more. He couldn't believe sometimes that Brian was his, he loved him so much and every time he laid eyes on Brian, Nick was overcome with desire and longing. Right now all Nick wanted was Brian - all over him, inside him, fucking him harder, deeper and faster than ever before. Nick felt like a wild animal. Brian had unleashed this primal desire in him. Despite the fact that it was only minutes ago he was shooting his massive load, Nick was already becoming erect again.

He wanted Brian so badly. 

He could see though that Brian was tired and wanted to get a shower to clean up. A little smile appeared on Nick's lips as Brian held out his hand and led Nick to the shower. It was clear Brian had planned a sensual experience of washing each other and lathering each other up with shower gel, but Nick had other things on his mind. As Brian rubbed Nick down, Nick just couldn't control himself and he became the dominant one as he grabbed Brian, turned him around and pushed him against the wall of the shower. 

"I want to fuck you so much Brian. It's all your fault, turning me into the wild and crazy animal," he said in a voice dripping with lust.

Nick didn't even wait for a response. He fucked Brian in the ass so hard that Brian screamed out loudly: "Nick, I want it, baby. Give it to me." 

Nick was the one in control now, but Brian seemed to love it. As Nick came hard in Brian's ass, he pressed himself against his lover and whispered to him: "So how does it feel when you sub becomes your dom?" 

\---

Had he gone too far? Had he perhaps teased his Nicky a little bit too much? 

As Brian saw the wild sparkle in Nick's eyes it was already too late. In a move which carried a strength that surprised Brian Nick spun him around and pressed him up against the wall. It surprised him in more than one way. He wondered when little 18 year old Nicky had become stronger than him. To test it Brian tried to struggle free, but Nick had him in a firm hold. 

The complete turnaround of positions confused Brian at first. Nicky had always loved to be his sub, why did he switch now? Brian wasn't sure he liked it until he felt Nick's cock press against his butt hole. Oh dear god, he was so damn hard again. Suddenly Brian was filled with pride, that he had lid Nick's flame so much, that he wanted to take him right here and right now, no matter what that entailed. It felt like he had done something right and achieved something wonderful. 

Brian wasn't sure what to think about not being the one in control anymore, but he sure loved that he had gotten Nick that hot and wild. 

As Nicky's words reached his ear, Brian's heart started to race and all the blood that had just returned to his head shot back down into his penis. This felt so good. He had done it, he had made Nick that way. Just him, nobody else could.

And Nick showed no self-control. 

Brian moaned up loudly as Nick entered him with a forceful thrust, that pressed him harder up against the wall. There was a little pain in the first moment, but it soon mixed with the oncoming pleasure. Nick didn't give him any time to breath as he thrusted harder and harder. Brian closed his eyes as the sheer passion made him feel dizzy and he couldn't stop himself from screaming.

He loved feeling himself fucked like that, so full of burning desire. Never before had being loved felt so intense. He tried to reach a hand backwards to touch his lover, but Nick slapped it away. So Nicky really was in control now.

As Nick came Brian felt his warm cum shoot up his hole, filling him up so well. Brian bit his lower lip in that moment whimpering, because of all the love he felt. This was Nick, his Nicky and he truly had fucked him like a raging hound. Nick had grown so much in more than one way. 

Even after he came Nick didn't let go off him but pressed against his back, pushing Brian harder against the wall. Then he whispered something. Words that sent goosebumps all across Brian's skin.

 _"So, how does it feel when your sub becomes your dom?"_ Nicky asked and Brian heard the cheekiness and arousal that lay in his words.

For a moment he didn't know how to respond. So he just stayed silent and leaned back to nuzzle his head against Nick's neck. 

"Nicky, it felt so different, but you were so big and oh my god," he gasped, "You filled me up so good," then he hummed feeling horny, "But, what lesson were you trying to teach me? Do I need to be punished?" Brian finally asked suddenly feeling like playing along. "Have I been a bad boy?", he breathed out and pressed his body against Nick's moving slowly.

It was really time to let go of all his boundaries and Brian felt so thankful, that Nick gave him the opportunity for it. He wanted to feel him, smell him, touch him, join with him. Every fiber of his body was longing for Nick. After all he didn't know how long he still could be with him.

There was a secret Brian hadn't told Nick or his band-mates about, it wasn't something he wanted to tell, but he didn't even want to think about his heart issue now and Nick gave him the opportunity to forget. 

Brian felt tired, but he wanted more, more, more. He wanted to be Nick's everything, something he would never forget. Brian closed his eyes again and waited for Nick to continue his loving assault.

\---

Even though he'd just exploded his full load into Brian's tight little ass, Nick still pressed hard against Brian. 

Nick had never felt so animalistic and fueled by pure unadulterated desire as he was now. He just wanted Brian so fucking much, even though his cock was softening, it still throbbed and Nick felt these sensations in it that rippled through his whole body. 

He just wanted Brian so badly, he couldn't believe sometimes that this gorgeous, incredible man was his and all he wanted was to be touching Brian, feel himself inside him and making his man moan in sheer ecstasy. Nick's cock was already getting hard again, just minutes after he'd cum so hard. 

_"What's this man done to me?"_ Nick thought. 

He wasn't quite sure but whatever it was Nick loved it. 

_"Have I been a bad boy?"_ Brian asked in a voice oozing with sex and desire. 

_"Brian wants more,"_ Nick thought with a smirk and the fact that his cock was getting erect again meant that Nick was going to give his lover exactly what he wanted.

"A bad boy Brian? you've been so fucking bad. Teasing me, telling me when I can cum, seeing me on my knees in front of you begging for you to suck me, fuck me, use me for your own pleasure. You've made me this horny little fucker Brian and I just want to show you all I've learned from you and for you to be proud of me. You've taught me all these incredible tricks and pleasures and I just want to show you what I can do to you now," Nick whispered in Brian's ear before gently biting Brian's neck as though to leave an imprint that Brian was his just as he was Brian's. 

"I'm so fucking hard now Brian," Nick moaned as he entered Brian's ass again which was still wet with Nick's cum.

This drove Nick crazy as he pounded Brian harder. 

"It's time for you to take what I'm giving you now. You like it when I fill you up good and proper, well get ready again Brian. You're all mine now and I'll fill you up when I'm ready," said Nick teasingly, slowing down in Brian's ass and moving his hand to grab Brian's cock teasingly.

He rubbed Brian and loved the fact that Brian was panting and moaning, but when Nick knew Brian was close to ejaculating, Nick stopped his hand job.

"Ah ah, I'm in control now," Nick told Brian before putting his hands on his lover's shoulders and continuing to fuck Brian without mercy.

Nick was determined he was going to cum first before he toyed with Brian who was now desperate for his release.

"I know you'll be so mad at me taking control but I love it," said Nick. "I'm sure you'll want to punish me so hard tomorrow though," laughed Nick as he could feel he was so close to creaming up Brian's ass for a second time.

\---

Brian was on fire. Every sensation he felt was like a tickle, that ran up his nerves and lead to an explosion of pleasure. He didn't even know where his head was. Had Nick not held him, he wasn't sure if he could have kept standing. All that passion made him feel so dizzy. 

Feeling Nick getting erect against him once more, produced a soft and aroused whimper from Brian. Later her would deny ever making that sound, but right now he felt so controlled by his own lust, that he couldn't even stop himself from sounding this weak. He felt that way, too.

Weak against Nick's firm grip, weak against his own lust and weak against all those emotions he felt for his one true love. He would never admit it, but he loved being controlled by Nick like that. The fact that Brian himself had gotten Nick that way made it different. Had it been any other way, Brian probably would not have allowed Nick to act that way, but right now he was melting in his lover's hand. It was payback and it was so good.

He rubbed his ass crack gently against Nick's hardening cock, when he told him just how bad he was. Remembering everything he had done made him moan. He really had pushed Nick to the edge. By teasing him so much Brian had made Nick wild like a beast. He was impressed by Nick's stamina. 

The words Nicky spoke made him smile. 

"But I am proud of you, so proud," he said with a hum, "and I'm even more proud that you are mine and I am yours. That you have millions of fans screaming your name, but in the end still share the bed with _me_."

The rest of what Nick said sounded like a promise. Showing him everything he learned. Brian wondered what that entailed. Would he be satisfied, by just fucking him or would he use the same toys Brian had used on him? He couldn't wait to find out.

He couldn't wait despite being so tired. Despite the fact he was so exhausted and his body was trembling in ecstasy, he wanted more. Even though his heart was beating so fast it felt like it was ready to explode, he didn't want Nick to stop. He was a victim to his own lust.

Then Nicky bit him and Brian felt how it hurt. For the first time in his life however he felt that pain could be so much more than just something that hurt him. It felt so very good and Brian could feel it all the way down to his throbbing hard cock.

Still he wanted more.

"Please, talk dirty to me," Brian whispered out and closed his eyes.

It was one of his turn-ons, Nick knew it was, too. He had oftentimes used it to seduce Brian. He truly was a needy little thing. But right now Nick was also the one, who was in control.

He wouldn't even have needed to tell him how hard he was, Brian knew and when Nick thrusted forward entering Brian's still cum-dripping butt-hole he felt it, too.

"You're so fucking big," Brian whined in lust.

The pain he had felt in the first round was gone, he nearly missed it. Brian had to gasp for air as he truly felt like he was drowning in. 

"Nicky," he moaned as his lover fucked him harder.

Brian felt like an object. Like something Nicky used for his own needs. He never knew that feeling like that could be something good. Now he did. He wanted to be that for Nick. Wanted to be all and everything he needed for orgasm. Being Nick's little plaything to use. Brian loved the thought in this moment.

There was no doubt in him, that Nick was in control, but he seemed set on proving it to him. Brian knew what was coming when Nick touched his cock. That little fucker was doing the same thing Brian had done to him earlier and all that when he was already being so sensitive right now.

He panted as he felt Nick's strong and big hand on his dick and he couldn't stop himself from gently thrusting his hip forward into Nick's hold. All of his senses were screaming for a release, he had to get there, but when he was so close, that he couldn't even think straight anymore, Nick denied him.

"No, Nicky, please," he whimpered in a desperate voice when his lover stopped touching him, "You can't do that, I... need to cum so badly."

He whined, but Nick showed no mercy as he kept fucking him harder and harder. Each time he thrusted forward Brian could feel how his lovers huge dick hit that one sweet spot. Each time it made him feel dizzy. Each time it made him moan. How the heck should he hold back on his orgasm with all the pleasure he felt? How had Nick managed to do it all these times?

Only now did Brian recognize what impressive work and dedication this had been from Nick. It was so hard, but Nicky had done it just to satisfy him. That thought made it only harder to hold back, but somehow he managed as he pressed his eyes close and screamed out his lust. 

"I'm yours," he moaned out of breath and held on for his dear life on the slick wall of the shower.

Nick said something about getting punished for this eventually, but Brian's mind had a hard time following along to the words he spoke. He couldn't think anymore, was a lost cause.

This pleasure was so overwhelming and it found its way through all of Brian's body. Nick would be able to feel it, too as Brian's body got so heavy, because all his loving made it so hard for him to keep standing upright. 

"Please, I beg you, take me to the bed," Brian panted out noticing it as well. 

He needed to lay down.

\---

When Nick's cock exploded his huge load into Brian for a second time Nick felt these outrageously orgasmic feelings of intense pleasure and satisfaction ripple through every fiber of his being. Nick struggled to breathe due to the intensity of pleasure and emotions he was feeling as he pushed hard against Brian. He went deeper into Brian's ass then ever.

Being so far inside Brian did not only fill Nick up with the most intense feelings of pleasure, it also made him feel like they were so close and bonded. As much as he loved these incredible orgasms, the feeling of their two bodies united as one was even more special to Nick. Brian was everything to him - not just an incredible lover, but also his soul mate. Nothing made Nick happier and feel safer than when he was inside Brian and they were truly as one.

Regaining his breath a little, it became clear to Nick that Brian was looking tired, satisfied and sexually fulfilled, but tired. As Brian asked Nick to take him to their bed Nick gently put his hand on Brian's shoulders and turned him round to face him. He planted a sweet and tender kiss on Brian's lips. 

After all the wild and animalistic feelings of arousal that had overpowered Nick, he now also felt such love and tenderness for Brian. After their kiss he reached for Brian's hand and led him out of the shower. 

"Let me dry you first Brian, I know how tired you are so I won't play with you this time just dry you and then I'll take you to our bed," Nick said in a soft voice.

He couldn't help these feelings of arousal in him as he lovingly and gently dried his lover with their soft Egyptian cotton towel. Brian had the most incredible body and Nick felt such pride that a man as beautiful as Brian loved him and wanted only him.

Brian had made Nick a man and Brian was the only man Nick would ever want, he was sure of that.

"Let me take you to our bed now you're dry," Nick whispered and kissed Brian's forehead as he let Brian lean on him as they made their way to the bed.

Nick decided not to dress Brian in his bed T-shirt and shorts as he wanted them to sleep naked, their skin touching. It was the most sensual and amazing feeling for Nick when his and Brian's naked bodies lay side by side and the feeling of Brian's skin touching his was as close to heaven as Nick felt was possible on this earth. 

Brian looked so tired and as Nick laid him down and pulled the duvet on top of Brian, Nick's heart swelled with pride. This beautiful man was his and such love and devotion ran through Nick that he truly didn't think he'd ever felt as happy or as safe and loved. 

Nick proceeded to dry himself and as he did so Nick closed his eyes and imagined it was Brian touching and caressing him. A smile appeared on Nick's lips as these sweet thoughts of his lover's touch invaded his mind and all he wanted now was to get into the bed beside Brian and be close to him. Nick put the towel to dry, turned off the bathroom light and crept silently into their bed so as not to wake Brian. He slid under the duvet and shivers ran through him as his bare skin touched Brian's. 

Nick lay close, kissed Brian's forehead and whispered: "Sweet dreams Brian, I love you so much."

He nuzzled his head against Brian's toned chest and soon Nick joined his lover in a peaceful slumber.

\---

Nick came hard for the third time this night and Brian hummed as he felt himself being filled up with cum.

Now it would be his turn, Brian waited impatiently for Nick to take care of his throbbing cock, but he never did. Seemingly so lost in his own pleasure and thoughts he did neither touch Brian's cock nor talk dirty to him. 

Nick had mentioned being punished for being so cocky. Brian had not planned on doing that until now. Nick had been such a good student so far, showing him all he had learned, but he had forgotten about the most important thing: making sure his sub was satisfied as well. 

Brian felt disappointed and put his own hand onto his cock, taking care of the business Nick had forgotten about. With quick motions he jerked himself off till his cum shot against the wall, producing a loud moan from his throat. 

Once done he gave Nick a pouty look. As he did though he noticed, that Nick wasn't really there with his thoughts. His mind was somewhere off in dreamland. How could Brian be angry with him, when he looked so lovingly at him?

When Nick came back to his senses Brian smiled at him gently allowing him to take care of him. He probably could have dried himself off, but Nicky doing it was so much better. It took no time and soon he found himself laying in bed. 

Finally he could close his eyes. Before Nick even started to dry himself, Brian was already asleep.


	2. All I Have To Give

The morning came much sooner than expected. Suddenly it was there and bright rays of sunshine found their way into the hotel room's window.

Waking up was difficult. His senses had been back with Brian for a while, but he just didn't want to open his eyes. He felt so exhausted. 

It was more than just simple exhaustion of having had a short night, it was worse than that. It felt like pieces of lead were laying all across his body holding him down. The scary part was, that he felt an unusual pressure coming from his heart. 

Maybe it was nothing, but the fact, that the doctor had told him about a hole in his heart had Brian worried. It was just so small, but now that he was feeling drained like this Brian wondered if his decision to just ignore it and push on had been right.

Maybe he should rethink. The life of a pop star was demanding, he simply couldn't feel this bad, just from having had good sex. He had to be fit. 

Brian groaned as he thought about it. They were touring right now and had their schedule planned for months. If he got the surgery the doctor suggested, what would that mean for him and the boys? He didn't want to stop their momentum. 

But something had to be done.

Making up his mind was difficult. Brian didn't even know if he should bring it up to anybody. If he did they probably would treat him like he was weak. He hated the idea. But could he keep it a secret? Was he not breaking his lover's trust by not telling him?

Thinking about it made Brian sigh.

"Hey babe, no sighing! Time to wake up," Nick called out and pulled the blanket away from him.

That was the moment when Brian opened his eyes slowly. 

Of course Nick was already awake. Not only that, he was already fully dressed and standing next to bed looking down to Brian. Usually his energy and positive aura was really infectious, but Brian felt spent.

"Do I have to?" Brian groaned.

It was a rhetorical question. Brian knew there was no other way. Today they had to film the rest of the "All I Have To Give" video. Their schedule was demanding them to be there at 8:00am. A glance at the clock told him it was already 6:30am.

Realizing the time Brian pushed himself into a sitting position, before leaving the bed. It didn't feel good.

He had a hard wooden floor under his feet, but Brian felt like he was walking on clouds. It caused him to sway and he noticed Nick giving him an amused look. His lover probably was thinking he was this exhausted because of their intense love making. In a way it was true, but there was more to it. Brian didn't mind that Nick seemed oblivious though. At least that meant he wasn't worried.

That changed when Brian made a step and stumbled, falling right into Nick's arms, still stark naked. Suddenly Nick eyed him confused. 

"Damn, you fucked me so hard, that I forgot how to walk," Brian said with a chuckle, trying to distract Nick from any worries he might have.

At the same time he held firmer onto Nick's clothes. He had to pull himself together. He had to ignore the pressure he felt in his heart. It was an issue that probably would pass when the day went on.

After a few moments Brian managed to regain some balance. He let go of Nick and walked over to his suitcase to get himself dressed.

"Babe, you know that you forgot to jerk me off last night?" Brian asked in a critical voice still trying to distract both of them. "I guess you have not been such a good student after all."

Brian grinned as he slipped into his shirt, boxers and pants. Nick's failure to jerk him off was something Brian wouldn't forget so easily. Brian would remember and remind his lover every time it was to Brian's advantage.

Nicky still had so much to learn and yet he was everything Brian's heart desired. There was nobody else that mattered to Brian as much as Nick did. He loved him so much that there were no words to describe it. He had to show him.

And so he walked back to Nick putting one hand on the small curve of Nicky's back and the other behind his neck. A smile played on Brian's lips as he pulled his lover close and kissed him passionately, assaulting the cave of his mouth with his tongue. 

It felt so good. Right now he wanted to take in all of Nicky's wonderful taste. It was so sweet.

A loud knocking on the door made him pull back.

"GUYS, we gotta get to the bus soon," it was Kevin's voice.

Brian watched as Nick walked towards the door and opened it. 

The first thing Brian noticed when he looked at his cousin was how tired he looked. Tired and angry.

"I'm surprised you two are awake already. You just had to do it again, didn't you? I couldn't sleep with the fucking ruckus you made," Kevin sounded piss, "That bullshit has to stop. If it doesn't I personally will make sure, that you two don't share your rooms anymore!"

Brian gasped as Kevin made that threat. 

"You can't be serious, Kev! You can't separate me from Nicky!", Brian protested.

"I can and I will if you don't take your job more seriously. Nobody wants to see unhealthy Backstreet Boys. Have you looked at yourself in the mirror? You look like shit, Brian," Kevin scolded him and Brian winced quietly.

He felt like shit, too, but he didn't expect it to be quite that visible.

"Calm your tits, Kev. Everything is fine," he mumbled and stepped up next to Nick putting and arm around his shoulder. "We going to the shoot now or what?"

-

Nick awoke and still felt tired from having had all that wild sex with Brian the day before. His cock started becoming erect as thoughts of their wild passion flooded his mind. The fact that his naked body was touching Brian's heightened Nick's increasing state of arousal. He kissed Brian on his shoulder and then moved his sweet and gentle kisses up Brian's neck, hoping to wake him and give him a very special good morning greeting. 

It became clear though that Brian was still asleep in a deep slumber. Part of Nick wanted to wake his lover and have sex again, but another more considerate part of him came to the fore as he remembered how tired Brian had looked yesterday after their shower sex. 

Nick couldn't help but feel a little pride at how he'd obviously satisfied and exhausted Brian yesterday. With Brian being a bit older than Nick, he'd always felt worried and self-conscious as to whether he could satisfy Brian and be enough for him. Brian always assured him he did but these little doubts always hung around at the back of Nick's mind. That was why he was determined to do all he could to satisfy his lover. Nick had felt a little insecure when Brian first had wanted to be more adventurous in their sex life, but soon realized how much he loved it as Brian showed him all those new ways of love and passion. 

Over time Nick had grown to be a more confident lover, who yearned to experiment and push the boundaries to give Brian and himself maximum pleasure and total physical and emotional satisfaction. That yearning had been so strong yesterday that Nick became overwhelmed by animalistic, almost primeval urges and desires. It had felt so empowering for Nick to dominate Brian and use him for his own gratification in order to satisfy his insatiable lust for his man.

Brian seemingly had enjoyed it and Nick was sure he'd never heard Brian moan so much in sheer pleasure as when Nick had thrusted harder and deeper into him than ever.

Nick groaned lightly. His mind was full with all kind of sexual thoughts. Brian needed more time to sleep, but Nick had such a hard time controlling himself. All he wanted was to give in to his dominant side. He wanted to pin Brian down, fuck him hard and hear him pant and moan in sheer ecstasy, but he had to hold back. It was so obvious, that his lover needed rest after their incredible and mind blowing sex the day before.

For a moment Nick tried to focus on the video shoot that lay ahead of them, but it didn't help a lot. He needed a cool shower and he didn't hesitate to head into the bathroom for it.

At least the cool water calmed him down a bit.

After his shower Nick dressed and had a coffee. He tried to be quiet but at the same time was surprised Brian didn't wake up as he moved around the room. 

Nick glanced at the clock: 6:30am. They had to be at the video shoot for "All I Have To Give" by 8:00am so he thought it was better to wake Brian. Nick noticed Brian looked pale as he pulled the blanket off his body and told him it was time to wake up. It took Brian so long to come round from his deep sleep that Nick worried if he was alright. He sure looked exhausted and weak.

 _"I know I got quite dominant and physical with Brian yesterday. The sex was intense, but I could tell he loved it. Surely it wouldn't have worn him out that much,"_ Nick thought to himself as concern rose in him.

It didn't make him feel any better as Brian swayed a little when he got out of bed before stumbling and falling into Nick's arms. Deep concern started to rise from the pit of Nick's stomach as he worried about Brian's health, but he felt a little comforted, when Brian joked about how Nick had fucked him so hard he'd forgotten how to walk. Brian was having a laugh with him, so Nick hoped he was doing alright. Maybe Nick's domination of Brian had been too physically demanding.

Nick felt unsure and was still a little concerned about Brian's well-being. All he could do was keep an eye on him during the video shoot.

Brian seemed to gain more composure and a little strength as he started to get dressed. It was then he reminded Nick of his forgetfulness. The previous evening Nick had made Brian hard, teased him and made him wait until Nick felt ready to fully jerk him off. It felt so bad as Brian's words made Nick realize that he'd forgotten to wank Brian off.

He felt like such a selfish asshole right now. All he thought about in the shower yesterday was satisfying his own desires and using Brian for his own pleasure the same way Brian loved to use him. Nick had hoped though, that Brian would have been proud of him about how he'd learned all the tricks and techniques Brian had used with him. He felt such a failure right now and could sense in Brian's voice that he wasn't happy with Nick's selfishness in forgetting to wank him off.

He worried that Brian would be disappointed in him as a lover now. Brian loved to toy with him and tease him when making him wait for his release, but Brian always made sure he gave Nick his release - some of the most explosive and intense ejaculations Nick had ever had. He should have given this to Brian instead of Brian having to see to himself because Nick had been so damn thoughtless of Brian's satisfaction. Nick had been so consumed by satisfying his own wild desires.

All Nick wanted deep down was to be an amazing lover to Brian and for him to be proud of the man he'd made him and Nick's heart felt heavy that he'd not fully satisfied Brian's needs. He vowed to himself that he wouldn't allow this to happen again.

At least Nick saw a grin appear on Brian's face as he told him he hadn't been such a great student. Maybe Brian was thinking of ways to punish him and Nick knew whatever Brian's plans, he'd take his punishment like the naughty boy he'd been. Brian loved it when Nick took his punishment and admitted what a 'naughty boy' he was. Nick would make sure that later on when they were alone in their room again Brian would be fully satisfied with him. 

Nick's concerns both for Brian's apparent lethargy and pale look were temporarily erased from his mind when Kevin started banging on their hotel room door, shouting to them that they needed to get downstairs for the bus to the video shoot. It was clear from Kevin's tone that he and presumably AJ and Howie weren't happy with their tardiness. 

Nick felt a little guilty he hadn't awoken Brian sooner, but Nick had been concerned for Brian and wanted to let him sleep as long as possible. Kevin had obviously heard their wild and passionate sexual exploits yesterday. It was also clear from Kevin's tone that he wasn't happy, but when he threatened that Nick and Brian would be kept apart in separate rooms at night, Nick felt rage build up inside of him. Being kept apart from Brian was an unbearable thought. They were totally and unconditionally in love with each other. Who the fuck was Kevin to dictate what they did in their private time? Fortunately, Nick managed to keep a lid on his anger. He didn't want to cause friction with Kevin. 

Still Nick had felt terribly mad at this threat of keeping him apart from Brian and had clenched his fists in anger. He felt these aggressive impulses running through him a little unsettling. He could feel his blood boiling at the thought of not being with Brian and not laying next to his naked body as they either slept or undressed each other before fucking like wild animals. Those violent emotions however proved to Nick just how madly, deeply and passionately he loved Brian.

His deep love and affection for Brian had transformed Nick's life and Brian meant everything to him. 

Nick was brought back to his senses from these unsettling angry emotions as Kevin told Brian he looked like shit. Nick felt he had to agree with that in his mind and concerns for his lover resurfaced. Brian replied that he felt fine and put his arm around Nick in a loving embrace that soothed Nick's emotions and made him feel as though Brian was standing up for them as a united couple. This embrace and what it symbolized gave Nick shivers of excitement as he loved Brian so much and even at his young age, Nick knew he'd met his soul mate.

Brian was now dressed and it was time for them to leave for the "All I Have To Give" video shoot, but Nick couldn't get these niggling worries for Brian's health and well-being out of his mind. He hoped it was just sheer exhaustion from their intense love-making and that maybe his wild passions unleashed had been a bit too much for Brian. Nick prayed it was just that and nothing more serious as Nick felt great after all their incredible sex and thought Brian should feel and look the same. This worried Nick, but he had the video shoot to focus on and he hoped and prayed Brian would be fit enough for that.

-

Brian held onto Nick and faced Kevin for a good moment. He was staring into his eyes. It was a war of stubborn minds. His cousin had challenged him, threatened to split him from his lover. Brian wouldn't allow him to do that so easily. Just to spite him he pulled Nick closer and put a passionate kiss on his lips, tasting him, becoming one with him. He had never felt such a deep all-consuming love for anyone but Nick. Kevin had to understand that.

So as he parted from the kiss he stared at Kevin again. It would be a lie to say he and his cousin had always been that way. When Brian was young he had looked up to Kevin, as if he had been some great hero. In those days Brian would have done everything his cousin wanted him to do, but things changed when he got older. Once he had grown into a teenager, things between them had become a bit more difficult. Brian had his own mind now and his own ideas how to live his life. They still cared for each other deeply, but they fought a lot and when they did neither of them held back on their weapons.

"It's not my fucking fault, that Kristin can't be here with you. But it's the Backstreet Boys not the Backstreet People," Brian said in a sharp voice.

Kevin winced and Brian knew that he was being a bit mean right now, but he had felt threatened by his cousin. Additionally fighting with his cousin distracted him from worrying about the pressure in his heart that he was still feeling. When would it go away?

"Fuck you Brian, you're such a dick," Kevin shouted annoyed and turned around to walk away.

It seemed like this time Brian had won the fight, but he didn't feel particularly good about it. He took a deep breath and balled his hands into fists as he watched Kevin leave. He felt tense.

"Let's go, Nicky, before he gets the stupid idea to talk to management or something," Brian said but his voice sounded sad.

By hurting Kevin with his words, he had hurt himself as well. He had to try to focus on something else and so he lead Nicky down the stairwell and out of the small hotel. Their bus was already waiting for them and Nick and Brian entered quickly.

"Look, if it isn't our lovebirds," AJ called from further back in the bus in an amused voice and followed it up by a chuckle.

At least that was one of their band-mates that wasn't pissed off. Kevin made a show of ignoring them sitting even further back than AJ and looking out of the window. Even worse was Howie though, who gave them a look, that couldn't hide the disgust he felt.

Brian huffed at that. Sweet D was never that sweet if it came to queer romance. It was not like he was openly hateful, but Brian had felt how his demeanor towards him and Nick had changed once he had found out about their love. It was obvious he found it icky and it hurt.

The problem was, that Brian could understand it. He had grown up in a very christian way and part of him always wondered if he wasn't damning himself and Nick to go to hell, by just loving him.

Suddenly Brian felt sad and moved to one of the benches at the front of the bus, he sat down with Nick there and put his head down on the table. He didn't want to see anyone anymore, it got all too much and his heart still felt so strange.

Somehow he must have drifted to sleep, because a time later he was woken up by Lou's voice. 

They had arrived and their manager had just entered the bus. Brian didn't like him very much. The way he evaluated Nick had been rather creepy. He hated to remember how he had talked about how showing 'sexy little Nicky' shirtless would be something that would drive all the girls insane. It pissed him off to hear him talk that way and he had felt staunchly protective of Nick that moment. Luckily today he seemed to be focused on other things.

"Good to see you guys. Filming starts in 15 minutes, you gotta get to makeup first," Lou said looking over all of them til his eyes kept resting on Brian. "Ungh, you particularly seem to need some good makeup loving today, Brian. God, you look like shit."

Brian snarled quietly, but nodded. So sleeping had not even helped, he still looked like shit and his heart still felt strange. It was starting to become worrisome, but Brian tried to ignore it. Instead he rested his head on Nick's shoulder for a moment.

He waited til everybody else had left the bus, before he stood up. Gently he took Nick's hand again and pulled him up against him. Once their bodies collided Brian put his arms around Nick and hugged him tightly. He was trying to find calmness and strength by holding his one light and angel. It helped a little bit.

"I love you. Nobody else might understand it, but I do," Brian whispered into Nick's right ear, before he parted from him. "Fuck them, let's rock this shoot!"

With new confidence gathered Brian left the bus, pulling Nick along with him.

It was good that "All I Have To Give" was a slow song and much of the video had Brian sitting on a chair. He didn't know how he would have made it through the day if it had been as physically demanding as the 'Everybody' shoot. Makeup had done a great job, to cover how terrible he looked, but nothing they did helped against how terrible he felt. It only got worse throughout the day.

Brian hated the fact that so many cameras were around and he couldn't even go and cuddle up with Nick, when he needed it. He was on his own while they were here and that meant he couldn't escape his dark thoughts that started to circle around in his mind.

What if his heart issue was more serious than a small hole? What if he got a heart attack while shooting this video? 

The more he thought about it the more panicked he got. What should he do? It was not like they had time for elaborate doctor visits. Brian knew he had to talk to management.

When he had time to have a break, while Nick was doing his solo parts, Brian looked for Lou.

Eventually he found him sitting on a couch somewhere close by the dinner tables.

"Lou," Brian raised his voice carefully.

"Brian, my golden nightingale," their manager answered making Brian cringe. "What can I do for you?"

For a moment Brian hesitated unsure how to put it, then he decided to just be very direct.

"I need to see a doctor, I'm not feeling well. My heart is feeling odd, I might need to get a surgery and..." Brian started but was then interrupted.

"Impossible, you have six weeks of touring ahead of you once the shoot is finished," Lou denied him.

"But, it's important," Brian said.

"What is important is that you guys keep going now. You are doing so well, your last single is finally gaining some traction in the US. If we stop now, because your heart is a little achy, it will destroy everything," Lou responded, "Do you really want to do that to your friends?"

Brian shook his head, Lou had put him in a bad position.

"Good, then we are agreeing. You can see your doctor in six weeks, not one day earlier," Lou said his voice so warm despite speaking words that were so cold.

Before Brian could respond Lou stood up from where he was sitting and walked away.

Brian stomach hurt like shit as he heard it. What if he really had a bigger problem and pushing on for these six weeks lead to disaster? He wanted to sit down, but before he even reached the couch he heard his name being called from the video production crew. He couldn't rest now, had to be professional. 

Somehow he made it through the day of the shoot, but he felt really bad and exhausted at the end of it.

When he joined the other boys in the bus, he only let himself fall down on the seat next to Nick and cuddled up to him. He could feel and see, that Nick knew something was off, but he didn't want to worry him nor did he want to be a bother. 

Luckily before Nick could say anything, he got a call from his mom, as Brian noticed from the ringtone. 

Brian watched as Nick vanished to the back of the bus. He didn't see him again until they reached the hotel. 

"Nick you sleep in Kevin's room tonight," Brian heard one of the managers call.

They couldn't do that. Brian widened his eyes and raised his voice in protest.

"What the heck? You can't do that. Nick and I share a room. We always do!" Brian complained.

"Well your band-mates complained, that you are always so loud in the night. There's no other option than to separate you!" was the response he got.

Brian turned his attention to said band-mates. AJ shrugged, but Kevin stared at him with crossed arms and Howie looked at him with a smile, as if he was actually doing something good.

"Fuck it, I hate you guys!" Brian called out angrily as the whole day just got too much for him to handle.

He felt how the pressure in his heart was joined by pain as it pumped hard to handle all the adrenaline of anger that was taking a hold of it. It was too much, he had to get away. Brian didn't want to see Kevin or Howie any longer and he also didn't want anyone else to notice the sorry state he was in. So he turned around and hurried away as quickly as his feet could carry him. 

Finally he reached his room, unlocked it and entered. Brian wasted no time to throw himself down onto the bed. His whole body was shaking now, his world was spinning and he felt so so exhausted.

In no time, he drifted into a deep sleep and was thus unaware, when Nick entered the room a few hours later.

-

Brian it seemed felt this uncontrollable rage at Kevin's threats to keep them apart, as he shouted at his cousin. Nick felt a sense of pride that his man was standing up for them and their right to be together. Nick also knew that Brian loved his cousin and really didn't want to drive a wedge between them. He just hoped that Kevin would calm down as the thought of being kept apart from Brian caused Nick's heart to ache.

It was now time to leave for the video shoot and as Nick saw the anxiety on Brian's pale face, he worried about his lover's well-being. Was he being over-sensitive and Brian was just tired from all their wild sex yesterday or was there something more? 

Nick often felt that Brian was holding things back from him. When he looked into Brian's beautiful eyes sometimes Nick felt there was a hidden sadness behind them. Nick's heart felt heavy sometimes when he worried that Brian was keeping secrets from him. Nick always knew what would bring a sparkle to Brian's eyes. That was part of the reason why Nick had been so keen to experiment in their lovemaking and sex life. He just wanted to make his lover happy and see Brian sparkle with life and energy. 

In time, of course, Nick too had loved to use sex toys, try different positions and as yesterday had shown Nick had grown so much in confidence that he now wanted to be the dom as well as the sub in their relationship. 

All this was great, but he wished Brian would open more about his thoughts, feelings and worries. There was nothing Nick craved more than for Brian to confide in him. Any true loving relationship was formed of not just the physical side but the emotional side, too. Nick loved Brian with all his heart and wanted to be his confidante and protector as well as his lover.

It worried Nick that as he was younger than Brian he sometimes saw Nick as emotionally immature and not able to handle or deal with issues and problems. Nothing could be further from the truth. Nick's chaotic upbringing had in many ways made him feel older than his years and his troubled family background had certainly made Nick grow up quickly to deal with emotional issues from an early age.

Nick knew Brian's strict religious upbringing had always been at odds with his realization that he was gay and this troubled him. Maybe this was preying on Brian's mind? Whatever it was, all Nick could do right now was resolve to be there for Brian and try and get him to open up and trust him with his innermost thoughts, feelings and worries. At least they were together. Nick always felt so safe and happy by Brian's side.

When they got in the bus to take them all to the video shoot, Nick heard AJ quip about him and Brian being "lovebirds". Nick laughed it off and jokingly mouthed 'Fuck You' to his band mate, but he couldn't help getting these good feelings at this acknowledgment of their love. After Kevin losing his shit with them like that, AJ being cool with them gave Nick a much needed boost.

Howie seemed a bit cool towards them and sometimes silence spoke louder volumes than words, but Nick was sure in time he'd come around. 

All that really mattered to Nick was Brian and their love plus their career was at such dizzying heights now that he had so much to feel grateful for. He had the life he'd always dreamt of as a small boy and even better found love and happiness with Brian so right now life felt good to Nick.

When they arrived at the video shoot, Lou Pearlman came aboard and Nick's stomach gave a little lurch. He was so glad Brian and the boys were with him as Lou creeped Nick out so much sometimes. The way he seemed to leer at him and brush against him in that 'accidentally on purpose' way that was so cringe-worthy and actually scary to a young guy like Nick as this man was old enough to be his dad. Surely this wasn't right. Nick's state of anxiety and discomfort was raised even more so when Lou often suggested Nick go shirtless for the delight of their fans, but in reality Nick felt it was Lou that got his kicks from seeing his bare chest. It made Nick so uncomfortable sometimes he felt like he wanted to vomit but there was nothing he could do, this man was their manager and seemed to hold the keys to their future.

Thank god, he had Brian to make him feel safe and protected. Nick's first reaction on seeing Lou and hearing his voice was to look to Brian. Subconsciously this was now an instinctive reaction to Nick in situations where he felt uncomfortable or even a little afraid. Brian was not just his lover, but also his source of safety and security.

 _"Man, Brian still looks like crap, so pale and withdrawn,"_ Nick worriedly thought to himself.

Lou obviously thought the same, but when he told Brian he looked like shit, Nick felt this rage build up inside him again, like it had when Kevin had threatened to make them sleep in separate rooms. Nick just wanted to punch Lou in the face right now for saying this to Brian. Yes, Nick thought the same, but his thoughts were out of concern for Brian's well-being. To hear someone else talk like this to Brian just as some cruel passing comment, brought out the protectiveness Nick felt towards his lover.

How the fuck dare anyone speak to his Brian like this?

Nick felt a little scared by these intense short bursts of violent emotion which seemed to build in him whenever anything negative happened towards Brian, but Nick supposed that what being so in love made someone like. 

As though Brian could sense all the conflicting emotions running through Nick, he took hold of Nick's hand and pulled him close in a tight hug. Brian's hugs were like magic to Nick and when he was in his lover's sweet embrace Nick felt all his cares and anxieties ebb away. 

Brian sounded more resilient as he whispered: "Fuck them, let's rock this shoot," and Nick found himself with a renewed sense of confidence.

He felt genuinely excited at the prospect of shooting the new video. He felt incredibly lucky that he was fulfilling his ambition of making it big in the music industry and he loved singing and performing with such an intense passion whilst at the same time sharing all these great moments with Brian.

The "All I Have To Give" shoot seemed to go well, although Nick noticed Brian disappear to speak to Lou whilst he was doing his solo parts. He hoped things were alright, but Nick being a true professional made sure his focus was on the video and he was giving his best performance. His mind though was starting to fill with excitement and thoughts of getting Brian all to himself again when they were done with the shoot.

Time seemed to disappear in a blur, as it often did when they were all working so hard to get videos done on time and before Nick knew it they were back on the bus. When Nick saw Brian, his heart gave a little jump as it always did and as Brian collapsed next to him, Nick hugged him tight and could see how exhausted he was. Nick's concern rose as Brian looked washed out again and he decided against whispering all the fantasies that he'd hoped they could indulge in. Nick realized that Brian probably needed to rest. Therefore he resolved that tonight they'd just lovingly lay in each other's arms, hold each other tight and then drift off into a peaceful sleep.

He was just about to whisper in Brian's ear how much he loved him and couldn't wait to cuddle up close with him when his phone rang and Nick realized it was his mom. 

_"Oh fuck, what does she want?"_ Nick thought to himself.

Whenever his mom rang it usually meant stress and problems for him. He so wanted to just cuddle up with Brian and hold him close as he looked so exhausted and definitely anxious - about what Nick felt unsure and concerned -, but if he didn't speak to his mom, she'd keep ringing and ringing. Once they were back at the hotel room, Nick didn't want anybody disturbing his private time with Brian.

As usual his mom was a drunken mess and wanted money. She always knew how to push Nick's buttons by reminding him of how she'd driven him to all those talent shows when he was little and how she would be the reason why he got to where he was now.

Nick's mom certainly knew how to manipulate him. She had run up some debts and once they were paid with Nick's help, this time she would pull herself together. Just this once more. 

_"Yeah right,"_ Nick thought, _"It's always just this once more with you."_

This momentous day when she'd sort herself out and seek help with her drinking and spending money was surely a day that would perpetually be always in the future. A distant dream that was doomed to never be realized. She was his mom, though. Nick felt an obligation to help his family, but was just so tired and eager to get back to Brian right now that he told her he'd ring tomorrow and discuss how much she needed. He couldn't deal with it right now, all he wanted was Brian.

Unfortunately, Nick's hopes of a special and romantic night cuddled under the duvet were dealt a cruel and shattering blow when one of the Backstreet Boys managers told Nick he was sharing rooms with Kevin tonight. This cruel blow felt like a sharp knife twisting deep into Nick's heart. His fists clenched and his chest tightened as he felt anger rise up in him.

_"They can't do this, they can't do this!"_ Nick thought.

His head felt dizzy as these conflicting emotions of anger mixed with deep sadness at the thought of being apart from his love tonight. Thinking about it pierced his very soul. Immediately he shot a look of anger at Kevin, who just stared back arms folded as though saying "I told you so!" and even more hurtful to Nick was the sneaky little smile that seemed to appear on Howie's face. It was clear that he too had issues with their love and right now all Nick wanted to do was wipe that smirk off Howie's face good and proper.

 _"Sweet D, more like fucking backstabbing two-faced D,"_ Nick thought. 

Brian had always sensed Howie was uncomfortable with them being gay, but Nick had always looked for the best in people and thought Howie wouldn't be like that. Seems he was wrong, a fact that eroded Nick's confidence in his sense of judgment in people.

Brian too was obviously devastated by this and ran away. Nick longed to run after him but their manager put his arm out to prevent Nick running after Brian. 

Nick was so full of anger and hatred in this moment. He wanted to lash out, shout and scream how dare people keep him away from Brian. They loved each other and if anyone had a problem with that then they should just fuck off deal with it. 

AJ could obviously see the anger and distress building in Nick and put his arm around him saying: "Come on little bro, let's get you in the hotel and get you calmed down a bit. Things will work out, alright. It's just for tonight and then we'll sit and talk about things tomorrow. I know how you and Brian feel about each other and it's cool with me. The other guys will come around. Let's just have tonight to cool off. From the looks of Brian, all he'll want to do is sleep so let him get some rest!"

Nick had always respected AJ and this had grown more so lately as he always seemed so cool with him and Brian being together.

A little calmer thanks to AJ, Nick made his way to Kevin's room. He really didn't want to see Kevin right now and again Nick's fists clenched as he walked into the room and saw Kevin there.

"Listen Nick, I don't want to fight with you! We're both knackered after today. I've ordered us some room service. So please, can we just freshen up, eat, watch the game on TV then sleep?", Kevin pleaded with Nick.

Part of Nick wanted to tell Kevin where to stick his room service and TV and punch his fucking lights out for interfering with that other backstabbing prick Howie, but all the rage and hurt he felt had left Nick exhausted and deep down, his love of being a Backstreet Boy always brought him back to a more rational and calmer head-space. 

Letting out a sigh, Nick simply retorted "Whatever, just don't talk to me, okay? I love Brian and he loves me so get used to it. We ARE going to be together and you and Howie and management need to get your heads round that. AJ can, he's cool. Why can't you be?"

The look on Kevin's face told Nick he wasn't in the mood for an altercation and just wanted to chill so Nick just shrugged, sighed in exasperation and headed to the bathroom. 

The evening passed in uncomfortable silence and even the Buccaneers winning the game failed to lift Nick's spirits. As he lay in bed, the darkness of the room enveloping him and making him feel cold and alone, Nick turned and saw Kevin fast asleep.

 _"Fuck him, fuck the lot of them,"_ Nick thought, _"I want to be with Brian and I know he wants me just as much."_

Slowly Nick crept out of bed, grabbed his backpack from the floor by his bed each footstep carefully placed as not to make a sound to wake Kevin. He navigated his way in the darkness of the room and opened the door so carefully as not to make a sound. Then he inched his way out with tentative steps, so scared of waking Kevin and his plan to be with Brian being foiled. He closed the door so carefully, thankful it didn't creak. Stealthily Nick crept along the corridor, his heart pounding so fast. He was frightened of being caught by one of their team and marched back to Kevin's room. 

_"Hell, they'll probably put a guard outside the door then,"_ Nick thought to himself.

As he saw the door of Brian's room - their room as far as Nick was concerned - he reached into the side pouch of his backpack. As his hand touched a little plastic card, Nick couldn't help smiling a fulfilling and self-satisfied smile. They all thought they were so clever, keeping them apart, but what they'd all forgotten about in their scheming was that Nick still had the key card to their room. Nothing would keep him and Brian apart. Nick slipped the card into the door handle, saw the light change colour and heard the click as the door opened.


	3. Shape Of My Heart

Brian was still sleeping soundly as again Nick closed the door with such care as to not make a sound and crept towards Brian placing his backpack down at the side of their bed. Sometimes Brian looked so very anxious and on edge, but now that he was asleep he looked so peaceful, at ease and beautiful. 

Nick slid under the cover with Brian and put his arms around him. It was then that Brian stirred, opened his eyes and looked at Nick. 

"I'm sorry Brian, please don't be mad at me, I had to come, I need to be with you. I don't want to spend a second longer away from you than I have to!" Nick said planting a soft and tender kiss on Brian's cheek, before turning his head to face him. 

Nick may have resolved to let Brian sleep, but such was his intense and passionate love for him, that just being under the covers, their bodies touching awoke Nick's desires. After kissing Brian on the lips, it was obvious to Nick that Brian was happy to see him.

"I'm sorry to wake you, I know you were worn out earlier and it doesn't have to be too physical but please Brian, make love to me. The thought of being apart from you tonight, it killed me, I just want to feel you inside me now, I need to feel your love. We can take it slow and gentle, I just want to feel close to you, please just make love to me Brian!" Nick whispered into Brian's ear with a loving and tender tone of voice.

-

The exhaustion Brian had felt all day had been overwhelming and yet his sleep had been dreamless and not very deep. Nick's soft touch and the warmth of his body were enough to wake Brian up. At least it was a sweet awakening.

Brian saw Nick's beautiful face. Illuminated by the dim moonlight shining through the window it appeared silver and pale. It had something ethereal about it. Nick truly looked like a child of the moon, a prince from another world, his angel. Just seeing him cast a smile upon Brian's features as he lead a hand out to touch Nick's cheek.

He realized, that Nick wasn't supposed to be here. Management had said his sweet lover should share a room with his cousin instead, but Brian didn't mind. Just thinking about being separated from Nick made Brian sad. It shouldn't have been that way and no matter how it came to be, he was glad that Nick was here now. Without him Brian's world was so damn empty.

Brian shook his head gently as Nick apologized. Why was he speaking those words? He had done the right thing, he was supposed to be here by his side. It was his place, they belonged together were soulmates, couldn't be alone. Why would he be mad at Nick? He was angry with everybody else: Kevin for keeping them apart, Howie for helping Kevin, management for following along with them and even AJ for doing nothing to prevent it, but he couldn't be angry with Nick. Brian had a hard time imagining anything that could ever make him angry with one true love.

Nick kissed Brian gently and as he was leaning into him Brian noticed the desire that lay beyond that kiss. Nick wanted him, needed him. Even before Nick spoke Brian knew what he wanted. Strong, undeniable love was something quite intense. Brian knew there was nothing Nick could do to keep his desires at bay and Brian felt it, too: that strong flame that was burning inside of him. It made him grow hard. Nick and him belonged to each other, they needed to get closer and closer and were drawn to each other so strongly, they needed to become one. Brian felt carried by wild lust and all-consuming love. It was both wonderful and scary.

Yes, Brian was scared. Here he was doing all and everything he had ever been taught not to do. A sinner in the eye of his parents and his church, maybe a sinner in front of his god. Maybe that was it. Perhaps that was why he was being punished now.

Brian had slept but he still felt the pressure in his heart. It felt odd and made him exhausted. Was that his punishment for falling in love with a man?

Slowly Brian propped himself up to look down at Nick. Was he an angel or a temptation god was testing him with? And what if he was neither and Brian was damning him in his innocence to go to hell? Whatever it was, right now Brian felt unable to pull away from Nick. The emotions he felt were just so strong.

Despite being exhausted like never before he crawled on top of Nick straddling his waist.

"I never could be mad with you," Brian said in a soft voice as he started unbuttoning Nick's shirt. "All I ever want is you. I just need to hold you, touch you, kiss you," Brian breathed as he leaned closer moving Nick's shirt to the side so he could place gentle kisses onto his chest.

After a while he sat up again smiling, but with tears glistening in his eyes.

"I love you so much and I wouldn't know what to do without you. What have you done to me Nicky?" Brian asked being caught in a mix of emotions.

The longing to be with Nick and make him happy was very strong, but so were Brian's exhaustion and his worries about being a sinner. And yet Brian wondered if love could truly ever be wrong. Had not god made him this way? Was being gay truly a sin? He didn't know. 

Brian took a deep breath and started working on Nick's pants. He opened and removed them in one swift motion together with Nick's boxer-shorts. Not wasting any time he undressed himself, as well and reached for the lube on the nightstand.

"Don't worry Nicky, I will fill you up and make it better. No matter what they say, they can't keep us apart," Brian said with confidence.

They needed each other so much. Right now the urge to unite with Nick was overwhelming. Brian needed it to heal himself, clear his mind from his doubts and to simply feel alive.

In a few trained motions he spread lube both on his erect cock and on Nick's butt-hole. Turning his lover around swiftly Brian moved Nick until he was on his hands and knees. Brian decided to take him fully from behind today. There was no time to waste.

With a deep hum Brian put his hands on Nick's waist and pushed his cock into him. Little by little he pushed forward until he was fully inside. It felt so good and freeing to be together and truly united again. Brian rested in this position for a while and leaned in to put kisses on Nick's shoulders.

"I love you," Brian whispered and only then decided to start thrusting.

First slow, then faster the rhythm of their passionate dance followed the unwritten music of their desire for each other. Nick sang its highest notes, moaning so loudly and excited, that it sent tingles through Brian's body. This was truly making his Nicky happy and Brian felt proud about the fact, that he could give it to him.

Everything seemed so wonderful. Brian nearly forgot about his heart issue, but it wasn't gone. As Brian increased the pace of his thrusting even more he went way past his limit. After reaching his orgasm with loud moaning Brian nearly immediately collapsed onto Nick's naked body, pushing him down onto the mattress.

Brian felt weak and exhausted in a way he never had before. He couldn't even bring himself to pull out of Nick. He just kept laying on Nick's back gently trailing fingers through his hair in the desperate need to hold onto something.

The way his body was not acting like it was supposed to scared Brian greatly. To be so low on energy was frightening. He couldn't hold onto the tears any longer.

Brian started sobbing. It was so hard to face his heart issue all alone, but could he confide in Nick? Brian hated to make Nick worry, but he also felt like he deserved to know. 

Without pulling his cock out of Nick, he whispered into his ear: "Nick I'm sick."

Speaking those words Brian noticed Nick move below him. Getting the hint Brian finally rolled off of Nick. Taking a deep breath Brian turned to face him. Looking into Nick's eyes Brian could see his worry.

"I - well a while ago I was with a doctor and he found a tiny hole in my heart. It could be fixed with surgery, but it might as well just be fine. I decided against surgery then, thinking everything would be alright," Brian said and paused as new tears started running down his cheek, "but now it's not anymore. I can feel the pressure on my heart and I feel so damn exhausted. I want to see the doctor, but Lou said we still have to tour six weeks."

The words fell out like a waterfall and when he was done talking Brian buried his face in the pillow.

-

Nick could tell Brian was tired but his whole body was consumed by this overwhelming need for Brian's touch and love. Part of Nick felt he was being selfish and should let Brian sleep, but another part of Nick which yearned for Brian to be inside of him and fill him up overpowered Nick. All he knew was that he was hungry for Brian's love and it was a hunger that he needed to be satisfied now. 

As Brian started undressing Nick, all Nick could think about was how much he loved Brian. As Brian's hands touched his bare skin, Nick felt so amazing and the sensations rippling through his body from Brian's tender caress made Nick's breathing become shallower as he anticipated Brian's cock entering him. Brian was the most intense and passionate lover and he knew every move and position to give Nick the greatest sexual satisfaction. Brian knew exactly when and how to fuck hard to give Nick the most explosive orgasms. 

Nick's mind was so filled with desire for Brian's body that before he knew it, he was on his stomach and Brian applied the cool lube to his butt hole. This amazing tingling sensation coursed through Nick's body. His cock was getting so hard and wet as he knew that Brian was about to enter him. 

Brian was an amazing lover and as thoughts of their previous wild sex filled Nick's mind, his cock started throbbing and he could feel the bed sheets were already wet with his pre-cum.

 _"Come On Brian, fuck me good,"_ Nick thought to himself. 

Despite Brian's apparent tiredness, he still gave Nick exactly what he wanted. Nick loved it when Brian first entered him with slow and sensual movements. It sent these almost electric impulses rippling through Nick's body. As Brian then increased the pace of his thrusting it felt like all of Nick's nerve endings were on fire. Nick moaned in sheer ecstasy as Brian's cock thrusted deep into him.

"Oh fuck, that's so good, harder Brian, fuck me harder, faster!" Nick moaned breathlessly as he could feel his release getting closer.

The throbbing of his cock and the desire for Brian to explode his load into him was driving Nick crazy with lust. Brian was pounding his ass with force and it made Nick feel dizzy. Soon Brian came and Nick felt his warm and creamy load fill his butt hole.

Nick also climaxed onto the bed sheets beneath him, making them so wet that they started to stick to Nick's naked flesh. Nick came with such intensity that for a few moments he could barely breathe. It felt so special, that his and Brian's orgasm were so close together. The symbiotic nature of their releases made Nick feel incredible and he was well and truly satisfied by his amazing lover.

Brian collapsed on top of Nick and feeling Brian's naked body pressed down on his resulted in more droplets of cum shooting out of Nick's cock. He was still hard and hadn't yet reached his plateau stage as Brian was still inside him and all Nick wanted was for their bodies to continue to be truly united as one.

It was at this moment of sheer ecstasy, that Brian's next words hit Nick hard, like a bullet had been fired and shattered this bubble of love and incredible orgasmic sensations that had surrounded them in their love-making. 

"Nick, I'm sick," Brian told him and the way Brian's voice trembled with fear and sadness made Nick's blood run cold.

Suddenly all the feelings of arousal and mad and passionate love ebbed away as if someone had clicked their fingers and he'd been jolted back to some harsh reality in a cruel twist of fate. When Brian delivered the news to Nick of his heart condition, Nick's own heart started beating fast as fear and panic gripped his body. What if something happened to Brian, what would he do without him? Nick simply couldn't face the thought of his life without Brian in it. It was unthinkable as Nick was now totally and utterly in love. It was a love that coursed through his veins and was emblazoned on his very soul. Brian was his everything: his lover, his best friend, his confidante and his mentor as a singer and performer. The thought of anything happening to Brian because of his heart tore into Nick's very soul.

His hatred for Lou also grew in intensity so much that Nick's fists involuntary clenched. Anger rose in Nick at the news that he was making Brian complete their tour before he could seek treatment.

 _"If that bastard's obsession with money kills Brian, I'll fucking murder that creep,"_ Nick thought as intense hatred built inside him.

However, as he looked into Brian's beautiful eyes, all of Nick's thoughts turned back to his lover and how truly and deeply he loved Brian and how much he was devoted to him. Nick simply couldn't face the thought of life without him.

An intense sadness and tears filled Nick's own eyes. He looked away as he didn't want Brian to see his tears. He felt ashamed of himself right now. Why was he so damn selfish? He'd been overcome by an uncontrollable lust for Brian which he'd wanted satisfied without thinking about Brian's needs. Nick wiped a tear from his face as he thought about how washed out and lethargic Brian had looked earlier in the day. Nick should have let him rest. And now when Brian needed him to be strong and support him as he was so obviously scared of what lay ahead, Nick's thoughts had been for his self once again. 

Self-loathing crept into Nick's mind but he vowed to himself to be strong for his man.

With deep love fortifying his will and resolve to be Brian's source of strength and light in what was undoubtedly going to be a struggle for him, Nick looked into Brian's eyes. His own eyes were no longer filled with tears but a fiery determination.

"Don't worry Brian, whatever happens I'll be with you! They won't keep us apart. I'm going to be here for you every step of the way. You're going to be okay. The surgeons will operate and you'll be well again and I'll look after you once your operation is done and nurse you back to health. I'm here for you, I love you and whatever the future holds We'll face it together!" Nick said and reached for Brian's hand to hold it tight in his grip.

Brian responded to these words of love by pulling Nick close to him. Nick loved it when their naked bodies touched closely and he could feel Brian's skin on his. This time though, the sensuality of their naked bodies touching provoked not feelings of lust and an insatiable need for sex in Nick, but feelings of love and emotions of tenderness and care. They made Nick realize just what a unique and special connection he shared with Brian. They held each close for what felt like an eternity, just simply taking comfort and pleasure in each others touch and their body heat providing a feeling of security and safety. 

Suddenly there was a loud banging on the door and Kevin's voice shouting "Nick, you little bastard, open this door now. What the fuck did you think you were doing sneaking out when you were told not to? It's about time you learned some respect for others and do as you're told for once!"

More loud banging of Kevin's fist on the door brought Nick and Brian out of their peaceful and loving reverie. Suddenly feelings of rage seemed to grip Nick as Kevin had destroyed this special moment between them. It was as though Brian sensed this increasing rage and tension in Nick as he planted a sweet and tender kiss on Nick's lips before slowly getting out of bed and throwing on a bath robe before getting another bath robe and handing it to Nick.

"It's okay, Nick. Put this on and let's talk to Kevin. It'll be alright, don't get mad. Just keep calm and let me do the talking. I'll see things right for us. I love you so much, Nick," Brian said still so obviously weak and tired.

He wandered over to the door of the room and Nick still hated the fact that their loving and tender moment had been so abruptly ended, but knew he had to trust in Brian to see things right.

-

It had been the right choice to confide in Nick. Brian was certain of that, despite seeing the emotional turmoil his words put his lover through. Even though he saw all those dark emotions in Nick's eyes, it wouldn't have been right to hide what was going on with him any longer.

Nick and him were so close to each other, even their hearts were usually beating in unity. More tightly than lovers they shared a special bond. It was as if one of them couldn't exist without the other. Nick truly was his soul-mate. He would have found out about Brian's heart eventually anyhow. It was better to tell him right away, than to be silent and hurt him in the process.

Brian watched as Nick's expression changed from one of intense anger to one of deep sadness. His lover turned his face away, trying to hide it, but Brian could feel his every emotion. He allowed him to feel it, to find a way to handle this news. There was no way Brian could protect him from what he was feeling now.

After a while Nick came to it and turned back to him, declaring his support with so much confidence, that he pulled Brian out of the pit, which he had fallen into. Maybe he was right. He would get his surgery and then everything would be better. Brian doubted for no second, that Nick would be at his side, giving him strength. That was how Nick was: devoted and caring, always thinking about making sure Brian was happy.

Brian felt so thankful and he pulled Nick up against him, to hold him and let him feel his undying love.

"I love you, too," Brian whispered as he held Nick's body against his chest, "more than anything in the world!"

Then he fell silent just savoring this beautiful moment they both shared. Holding Nick and feeling his warm naked body against his flesh was something truly special. He nuzzled his head up against Nick's chest, longing to loose himself in his arms forever. This was one of these moments Brian hoped would never pass and for a while it felt like it wouldn't. The beating of Nick's heart was so constant and strong, that it gave Brian something to focus on. It was truly calming and Brian was close to slumbering away again.

Then he heard knocking on the door and Kevin calling for Nick. Brian winced when he heard the words that were spoken. He didn't like the way his cousin addressed his lover. Brian felt his anger rising, but it was subdued by his exhaustion.

Nick however seemed like he was ready to storm at the door to jump Kevin. Brian had to prevent that. In a swift motion he gave Nick the sweetest of kisses, trying to calm him down. Despite the commotion Kevin made, Brian took some time to do it. Only as he felt Nick relaxing lightly did he move out of the bed leaving Nick with a few reassuring words. He would handle Kevin.

Brian's walking felt more like stumbling, because he felt so tired and worn, but finally he reached the door and opened it.

"Kevin," Brian said lightly annoyed as he came face to face with his fuming cousin.

"Brian, what is this shit? YOU should have known just as well as Nick. Management told you to sleep in separate rooms. I did expect more from you," Kevin scolded, causing Brian to frown.

Who was he to speak to him like that? Management would have never parted them if Kevin and Howie hadn't complained.

"Oh, stop the bullshit. You wanted to take revenge for what I have said about Kristin and gladly involved Howie and his homophobia to complain to management. Don't talk about respect for others, when neither of you ever even considered respecting our feelings!", Brian shouted at Kevin, who scowled at him.

It was at it always went, when the two cousins argued, their feelings were boiling high. Kevin made a few steps closer until he was right in front of Brian and stared down into his eyes.

"Respecting your feelings? How about you respect your body? I hear you two moaning around every evening for hours, no matter our schedule. I don't give a shit who you love Brian, but I do care for our band! It can't go on like that. I asked you in the morning and I ask you again: have you looked in the mirror today? Lou was right when he said you look like shit. Don't you think I didn't notice how tired you were as well. How unprofessional are you? You are a Backstreet Boy, you have a duty to fulfill. The fans don't want you falling asleep on them. Our schedule is demanding. Tomorrow we play two shows and you are still not sleeping, looking like that! I'm doing you a favor by keeping Nick away from you!", Kevin kept shouting his long rant, making Brian sink lower and lower.

There was much truth in his words, he should have been resting by now, but on the other hand, he couldn't imagine himself being away from Nick. Maybe if they had not split them up he would be sleeping now. Besides Kevin didn't even know what was going on with him. Had it not been for his heart, then he would have never looked as tired.

Thinking about it, the pressure he felt in his chest increased.

"Kevin stop!" Brian demanded as he leaned up against the door-frame to have some support, "I love Nick, don't you understand that? His place is by my side!"

"See, I'm surprised to hear you say that. Didn't you tell me as a teen that being gay is a sin? Didn't you use that as an excuse to shun your classmate?" Kevin asked putting a finger in an open wound.

Brian was sure Kevin only said it in his anger in an attempt to cause as much harm as possible. He succeeded as his doubts suddenly came back and Brian turned his head to face the ground.

It was the truth, he had shunned Devon a former classmate after his coming out. They had been good friends before that, but being gay had made Devon a sinner in Brian's eyes. He had not wanted to be pulled into hell by association.

Brian's stomach rumbled, he still wasn't sure if being gay was a sin or not.

"Shut up, Kev," Brian mumbled still looking to the ground.

It was in that moment, that he felt Nick stepping up next to him. Brian didn't even need to look at him to know how angry he was. He could hear it in the way Nick's breath rattled out as he put his hand on Brian's shoulder.

"What? I'm just telling the truth," Kevin said and crossed his arms again turning to face Nick, "Your lover thinks being gay is a sin. And he hates himself for it, don't you, Brian?"

Brian didn't answer, he didn't know what to say. He had not come to a conclusion yet. There was no doubt, that he loved Nick, but he didn't know if it was right to do so. What if he was truly damning him to hell?

As he turned to Nick and saw, that he looked hurt, he reached out to touch his lower arm.

"Nick, I do love you! I truly do, but I ... am just so confused," Brian explained, he was about to say more, too, but then he heard another voice.

"There is nothing to be confused about Brian, what Nick and you are doing is a sin," it was Howie speaking. 

He had probably woken up from the shouting that had happened between Kevin and Brian and now had found his way to the hallway.

That was too much. Who gave Howie the right to interfere? 

Kevin must have thought the same, because he tilted his head quickly and walked back to the hallway towards Howie.

"The fuck D? Keep your conservative bullshit for yourself, okay?", Kevin called out, but Brian had enough.

"Both of you shut up and leave us alone!", Brian shouted as loud as he could, feeling dizzy, "I-I need my rest," he added and started sobbing.

The emotional turmoil became too much and Brian felt bad, so bad. Not only did he feel pressure on his heart now, no he also felt it aching. What Kevin had told Nick about him must surely have hurt his love. Brian just wanted to hold him close now and talk to him. On the other hand, he was afraid to just to that. What if Howie was right? He didn't want to damn Nick to go to hell. 

Neither Kevin nor Howie seemed to be paying any attention to him as they were now facing off against each other.

"What's your problem Kevin? It was about time someone told your cousin what he is doing. It's bad enough, that he is a sinner, but he is making sure Nick goes right to hell with him," Howie spoke.

"SHUT UP!" Brian called again this time even louder, but he still wasn't sure if anyone heard him.

The next thing he noticed was Nick's body trembling. 

Brian looked up to him thoughtfully, worried that he still might see pain, but all he found in Nick's eyes was anger. Even though Nick was calming down and the love he felt started shining through, Brian was a bit taken aback by the sheer amount of rage he had been able to read in his lover's eyes.

Suddenly there was another voice shouting on the hallway. It was Lou and he was pissed at Kevin and Howie for making a scene. He heard how their manager told his band-mates to go to their rooms.

"Hopefully, he'll leave us alone," Brian mumbled and nuzzled up to Nick again, "let's go to bed please," Brian requested.

-

Nick hated seeing Kevin's rage boil over into such spiteful and hateful words. He and Brian were in love. What was wrong with that? Being in love was simply the most special and purest emotion in the world. Why did it seem that everyone was against them?

Brian was clearly getting more agitated as Kevin's rant continued and Nick became worried for him. With his heart problem Nick knew getting upset and angry would be bad for him and his health. He longed to intervene, but he worried that in his anger he would completely lose it and thump Kevin. He knew that would only make things worse and cause further stress to Brian.

Nick's mind raced with thoughts of what he could say to try and calm the situation. He was so anxious about Brian's heart and the undue stress Brian's altercation with Kevin was putting on it. 

Nick's heart felt heavy and he closed his eyes in exasperation as one of Nick's deepest fears about the most the potent threat to his and Brian's future as a couple was brought to the fore when Kevin brought up Brian's religion and the strict views against homosexuality that Brian was raised with. 

_"Fuck you Kevin, you evil bastard!"_ was all Nick could think.

Nick knew Brian struggled with so many inner demons as a result of the strict religious upbringing he had. Accepting that he was gay and having a full sexual relationship with Nick was something that deep down, Brian struggled with emotionally. Sometimes it seemed his lover was in a constant battle with his conscience. Brian didn't say anything to Nick, but Nick knew him and remembered how he was struck by Brian's religious views and deep knowledge of the Bible when they first met. 

Brian's love for Nick was at odds with the religious beliefs and teachings about homosexuality that he had been brought up with. At the back of Nick's mind was this over-riding fear and anxiety that one day Brian's conscience would get the better of him and he would tell Nick they couldn't be together anymore, because what they were doing was wrong in the eyes of God. Even the mere thought of this happening, froze Nick to his very core with an icy chill. He felt his body trembling at the thought of Brian rejecting him. Nick knew that he wouldn't be able to cope with that. It would destroy him. He loved Brian so much and he was Nick's everything. 

Nick reached out to put his hand on Brian's shoulder to let him know he was with him and supporting him. He hoped that Brian would take strength from Nick's loving touch. 

Brian was getting increasingly angry with Kevin and Nick in turn was getting more and more worried about the effect this stress would have on Brian's fragile heart. Part of Nick longed to shout it out to Kevin that Brian was sick and had a weak heart and to just go away and leave them alone, but he knew that Brian would want to be the one to tell his cousin and the other boys about his health. He'd hate Nick to blurt it out in a fit of rage and more than anything Nick wanted Brian to trust him and see him as his rock and pillar of strength.

Nick worried sometimes that Brian saw him as immature, because of their age difference and so divulging Brian's secret in a childish temper tantrum would most probably do more harm than good and cause Brian further distress. This was the exact opposite of what Nick wanted to do for his lover.

Nick's head started pounding from the mixture of deep emotions he was feeling. His growing sense of inner turmoil at worrying for Brian, being so angry at Kevin for his tirade and distress at why everybody seemed determined to keep them apart and deny their love made him feel nauseous. All he wanted was for Kevin to get the fuck out and let him console Brian and reassure him that whatever happened their love would endure. 

Nick wasn't sure if he was being paranoid or not, but there were moments when Kevin was talking about Brian's beliefs, when Nick felt sure that fear and doubt flashed in Brian's eyes as though he were subconsciously being taken back to his childhood and the religious teachings he had been indoctrinated with. It cut deep into Nick's heart when he thought about this. His body began to tremble as he feared Brian deciding that being gay was a sin. It posed a threat to their relationship. To make matters worse, Howie turned up added fuel to the fire about Brian and Nick's love being sinful in the eyes of God.

The situation seemed to be spiraling out of control. Nick could feel his fear turning to anger. Rage like a tiger being unleashed from it's cage started to build in Nick again. Why were Kevin and Howie being so cruel? He had always loved them like brothers since the day the Backstreet Boys were formed. Why were they trying to separate him from Brian and deny them the chance to be happy in their love? 

Nick was aware of Brian looking at him with a concerned expression as he could obviously see the anger and Nick tried to conceal the depths of his burning rage as he didn't want to upset Brian further, such was his concern for Brian's heart. In a corner of Nick's mind, images of Brian collapsing to the floor, clutching his chest and struggling to breathe filled Nick with fear and trepidation.

He had to control his anger and try and diffuse the situation calmly. Nick's mind started to race with thoughts of how he could do this and help to calm Brian. Then suddenly another familiar voice joined the melee, a voice that often filled Nick with revulsion and a slight fear with its suggestive and often sexual undertones, but on this occasion when Nick heard Lou Pearlman's voice, he felt a sense of relief.

Lou chastised Kevin and Howie for causing a scene in the hallway and attracting the attention of all the other guests. It caused Kevin and Howie to skulk back to their rooms, their heads down like naughty children after a telling off from an angry parent.

Nick finally had the opportunity to take Brian back to their room and hold him close in a loving embrace. 

"Let's go to bed please," Brian asked Nick in a rather weak and tired voice and as he nuzzled closely to him, Nick put his arm around Brian.

Together they walked back into their room and Nick closed the door. They were alone again and Nick felt a renewed sense of calm return to him in the serenity of them being alone again in their little haven away from the world.

Nick longed to give Brian a big hug and a deep, passionate kiss, but as Nick moved to pull Brian close, his boyfriend pulled away from him. 

"Not now Nick, I just need to sleep. I'm exhausted after that!" Brian said and turned away towards their bed.

Nick's heart suddenly felt heavy and an icy chill filled his veins at Brian's rejection of his loving embrace. Was it simply tiredness brought on by the extreme emotions of the tense arguments or was it something more? Had Kevin and Howie's words struck a chord in Brian's mind and caused Brian to question the morals of their relationship? Nick trembled from deep within as these questions invaded his mind. Nick hoped he was wrong and it was just exhaustion Brian was feeling, but he couldn't help but worry as he thought of the way Brian suddenly stepped back with a look of anxiety.

Nick felt a stinging pain in his heart as Brian climbed into bed and rested his head on the pillow without a word or loving glance towards him. 

As if to make matters worse, a knock on the door followed by Lou's voice sent more shivers running through Nick's body. 

"Nick, Brian, let me in. We need to talk!", Lou called.

Brian sat up at the sound and Nick could see a look of fear and tension in his eyes. What was to come for them? Nick felt so unsure and frightened in this moment. Another loud knock on the door from Lou sounded as Nick and Brian both looked at each other as though trying to read each other's minds.

-

Even though Brian could neither see nor hear Howie anymore, his words had stuck with him. Was he really being selfish? Did his love for Nick mean he was damning him to go to hell? It was a thought that weighed heavily on his heart, a question he couldn't answer right then and there. It wasn't so easy to come to a conclusion in such a difficult matter. Brian loved Nick, but it was that love that made it so painful to think that Nick could be harmed in any way.

Hell was not the place Nick belonged. He was an angel through and through and deserved to go to heaven. Could love truly be something bad? Brian didn't know the answer and because he was so unsure he pulled away from Nick as he came closer. Right now he couldn't bring himself to hold Nick, he had to think, had to find an answer in his conflicting thoughts.

Slowly he walked to the bed alone, laying down on it. The reason he gave wasn't even a lie, he truly did feel exhausted. His heart was really being an issue and nobody gave him the chance to rest or even relax his thoughts. Everybody was stressing him. Even now the thoughts about whether or not loving Nick was good were haunting him. They would make it hard to sleep.

He couldn't blame Nicky for it though. His Nicky loved him and it was something that usually made him happy, but right now Brian had to pull himself together not to cry. He didn't want Nick to go to hell.

With his back turned to Nick, Brian hoped Nick wouldn't be able to see the pain he was going through. Maybe if Brian pretended to sleep Nick wouldn't inquire further.

He was about to do that when he heard a knock on the door.

"Nick, Brian, let me in. We need to talk!" it was Lou's voice.

Hearing their manager speak immediately made Brian push away all of his worries. No matter how torn he had been about loving Nick before, now all he wanted to do was to hold him close in order to protect him from the creep that was Lou Pearlman. The fact that Nick looked really scared now only increased that feeling. 

With a deep breath Brian closed his eyes in order to collect the last bit of strength he could find under his all encompassing exhaustion. Nick needed him now.

"Lay down on the bed and pretend to sleep," Brian whispered to Nick as he opened his eyes again, "I'll deal with Lou."

It was obvious that Nick didn't like his idea, but Brian gave him a stern look. Now wasn't the time to discuss. In the end Nicky did comply and Brian felt relieved.

Still wearing the bathrobe he left the bed and walked to the door opening it to find out what Lou could want. As the door swung open Brian found the obese man leaning against the door frame. It didn't go unnoticed to Brian how Lou's eyes traveled along his lightly clothed shape. The bathrobe left a few spots of his body naked and Lou didn't seem to mind that at all. It caused Brian to scowl.

"What do you want Lou?" Brian asked unable to mask the anger he felt.

"Well my golden nightingale. I heard the altercation you guys were having in the middle of the night on the hallway. I was just wondering if you and little Nicky are alright," Lou said in his usual friendly voice, that hid his true intentions so well. "Speaking of him, where is little Nicky?"

Lou tried to leer past Brian, but he stepped into his line of sight.

"Nick is sleeping," Brian lied and stared Lou down, "We are alright, so if you could please leave. I need to rest."

His words caused Lou to smirk and Brian took a sharp breath as his manager lead a hand out to touch his shoulder. It bothered him. The way he was touching him so gently, trailing his thumb along the fabric of Brian's bathrobe, close to where it opened up and revealed his chest. He couldn't help but to tense up.

"Oh right, your achy heart. I nearly forgot about that," Lou said and leaned closer speaking in a feigned caring voice. Then his voice got more sultry "I bet my heart would go all achy, too if I would share my bed with Nicky. That boy must be full of energy, must be quite taxing to keep him satisfied. But it must feel so good, doesn't it? To have sex with little Nicky?"

Brian widened his eyes at those words. That bastard was talking about his Nick as if he was lusting for him, all the while trying to leer past Brian to their bed again. Anger like he never had felt before fueled by his protectiveness over Nick took Brian in a firm grip. Before he knew what he was doing he threw his fist at Lou punching him right on the eye.

Taken by surprise Lou stumbled backwards and let out a sound of pain. Brian was left standing in the door frame in an aggressive stance breathing heavily.

"Don't talk about Nicky like that, you creep!" Brian called.

Then Lou was back on his feet, approaching him again, seemingly angry.

"How dare you hit me Brian! Don't forget who I am. Your destiny and that of your band is in my hand!" Lou shouted and rubbed his eye. For a moment he was silent, then he grinned. "You will apologize! If you want to stay in the band, you will apologize!"

He was really doing it. Lou was using his position of power against Brian. That slimy creep used his position to order Brian around. As much as he would have loved to just punch Lou again, Brian couldn't do it. He couldn't risk his career. Being with the Backstreet Boys was part of what made him be. Together as brothers united on stage, the five of them could bring happiness and joy to so many people. Also if Brian had to leave, there would be nobody to protect Nick from Lou anymore. So there was no way around it.

"I'm sorry Lou," Brian mumbled, but Lou didn't seem to be satisfied by it.

"I don't believe you. Get onto your knees and beg!" Lou said with an evil grin.

Those words made it clear, that this was about more than just getting an apology. Lou wanted to be the one in control, he wanted to feel powerful and see Brian groveling in front of him. It filled Brian with disgust, that he had that kind of power.

With no other way out Brian fell to his knees a shudder running through his body. At that moment he felt his heart again, how the stress of the situation was affecting it. Brian felt dizzy. The words that followed were accompanied by a heavy sickness.

"I beg you to forgive me," Brian said looking up to Lou.

He found him smiling. After a moment of silence Lou leaned down and cupped Brian's chin moving his head to face him.

"See, that is better. I didn't know you could be this docile, Brian. Maybe you are more interesting than I thought," Lou trailed a finger along his cheek making Brian shudder once more in disgust, "I thought you are only the voice of the group, but seeing you kneeling now, so helpless and weak. I like that look on you!" 

Lou chuckled and leaned back again letting go of Brian. 

"Maybe that's the look we should use for marketing, people could sell so many more magazines if you just looked like this all the time. This sexy I'm-about-to-die look paired with the I-will-do-anything-you-want look," Lou said in an amused voice, "Your achy heart can be helpful after all."

The sickness Brian felt got nearly overwhelming now and Brian grabbed the carpet under his fingers firmly to have something to hold onto.

"Lou, it's not just an achy heart, I have a hole in there. I don't know what will happen if I don't treat it," Brian said and was shocked to find that his voice was shaky. He was crying and he had not even noticed it.

"Yeah, yeah like I said eight weeks," Lou spoke and Brian gasped.

"You said six," he protested.

"Did I?" Lou asked with a chuckle, "Mh, I will have to look in my calendar, but I'm sure it was eight!" Lou paused, "Oh look who decided to join the conversation!"

Brian didn't need to turn around to see what he meant. Nick had left the bed. His heart felt heavy as Brian - still kneeling on the ground - felt Nick loop his arms around him to pull him into a hug.

As much as he needed that, he had wanted to hide Nick from Lou, keep him out of his sight. Brian just broke into heavy crying as Nick pulled him up against his chest.

"Awe, isn't that cute?" Lou asked and Brian was afraid how Nick would act, having seen the rage in his eyes earlier.

-

Nick had reservations about letting Brian deal with Lou alone as he always found Lou so leering and creepy. Adding to that Nick was worried about Brian's heart after all the stress Brian had endured in the altercation with Kevin and Howie. What effect would all this pressure have on him? Nick was about to stop his love, but Brian's stern look told Nick that he was serious. So Nick did what his lover asked him to. At least he'd be close to Brian and if Nick felt he needed to, he could jump out of bed and go to Brian's side. 

As Brian opened the door, Nick's whole body tensed up at the sound of Lou's oily voice. The way he called Brian his 'golden nightingale' made Nick feel nauseous. Particularly as Lou always seemed to emphasis the word 'my' as though Brian was somehow his and Nick hated that so much. Brian was Nick's and his alone just like he felt solely Brian's. Plus Lou was an obese, old and slimy creep and it was just plain wrong to be lusting over such young guys as him and Brian.

Nick felt so conflicted and a tense emotional pain ran through him as he hated pretending to be asleep. It felt like torture to his very soul to let Brian deal with all this in his weakened and fragile state, yet Brian had looked so adamant that Nick did as he wished. He didn't want to make Brian angry.

The only solution, Nick felt was to try and close his mind to what was happening and force himself to drift into sleep until Brian would wake him and hopefully hold him close. Nick subsequently entered this weird half sleeping, half conscious state whereby he was aware of Brian and Lou's voices but part of him was drifting into a subconscious state. 

Nick was aware of Lou's voice antagonizing Brian and in his dreamlike state, Nick felt as though his limbs were frozen. Although he tried to get out of the bed and rush to Brian's side, he was paralyzed and couldn't move. His mouth opened to call for Brian to help him but no words came out. His heart beat faster as his incapacitated state meant he was unable to go to his lover's side.

Blurred visions appeared in Nick's mind of Lou coming over to him and taunting him that Brian was his now and there was nothing he could do. Nick wanted to scream out, but still no voice left his mouth. In his dream he was now shackled to the bed, unable to move. Lou stood over him laughing and taunting him about how he was going to have sex with Brian to show him what a real man felt like inside him.

The room was spinning out of control, Brian was shouting Nick for help yet he couldn't move as his hands and feet were tied to the bed. Nick started sweating as he tried to free himself from the shackles with which Lou had bound him.

Raised voices echoed in Nick's mind and he knew Brian was in distress. He could hear Brian begging Lou but for what? Nick's warped dreamlike state had him picturing Brian begging Lou to fuck him again as he now knew what it was like for a real man to have sex with him.

This couldn't be happening Nick thought. Somewhere in his subconscious Nick knew he was dreaming but all these dark images raced through his mind. He felt like he was trapped in some living nightmare, unable to free himself and return to Brian. 

Then, suddenly, as if he'd fought hard and uncovered the key to allow him to open the door back to reality, Nick awoke with a sudden jerk of his body. He gasped in shock as he came out of his slumber, yet the pervading darkness of his nightmare encapsulated his body like a dark entity surrounding his being.

He sat up, thanking god that he could move freely and blinked hard allowing himself to take more deep breaths to let the rapid beating of his heart return to its normal rhythm. 

It took a moment until he fully returned to consciousness and became aware that Brian was kneeling on the ground. Lou was standing over Brian and he had a badly bruised eye, but what made Nick feel physically sick was the look of pleasure etched on Lou's face at seeing Brian cowering beneath him.

 _"What the fuck happened?"_ Nick thought as his heart started racing again and any calm feelings that had momentarily returned to Nick after his nightmare soon ebbed away as he jumped out of bed and went to Brian's side. 

He lifted Brian up and held him close to him in a strong and loving embrace. Nick felt an overwhelming desire to protect Brian and make him feel safe and loved.

 _"I shouldn't have let Brian deal with Lou alone, he isn't strong enough to deal with that bastard. He needs me,"_ guilt pierced Nick's soul and made his heart ache as Brian burst into tears in his arms.

Lou taunted them about what a cute scene this was while he took some twisted pleasure in their distress. Nick breathed in sharply as it resulted in an uncontrollable wave of anger rising in him. Brian's whole body tensed up at the sound of Lou's voice. Nick felt such hatred right now and as he held the tense and trembling body of his lover close, Nick knew he had to take control of the situation and protect Brian. 

"Look at what your boyfriend did to me," Lou said in a voice full of menace, "be careful you don't get on the wrong side of him."

This man repulsed Nick so much and it took all of Nick's self-control to stop himself from punching Lou as well. His fists clenched as rage rose inside Nick. He hated the thought of anybody taunting and hurting the man he loved. He didn't even know what Lou had said to Brian to make him lash out but he didn't need to. Nick knew Brian possessed the most loving and pure soul of anybody alive. Whatever caused such a beautiful and caring man as his Brian to lash out must have been something so hurtful and evil that Lou had deserved the punch.

Nick could sense Brian was still very frightened by this altercation from the way he was quivering as Nick held him close. 

Taking a step backwards towards their room, Nick replied in a voice dripping with anger: "Brian would NEVER hurt me, you evil bastard. We love each other and ARE going to be together so you and everybody else had better get fucking used to that. Get the hell away from us now or I swear I'll fucking kill you!"

Nick had never known such anger burn up inside him and was actually starting to feel a little frightened inside at the violent urges he was feeling. He knew they were driven by love and a strong desire to protect Brian. Nick wanted to be Brian's protector as well as his lover.

"I think you need to remember who you're talking to!" Lou spat back at Nick, "I made you and lover boy the stars you are but I can also break you. Never forget that your destiny is in my hands boys!"

It would be a lie to say that these words didn't make Nick falter for a second and a wave of panic rush through him. He loved being a Backstreet Boy and fulfilling the only dream he'd ever had since being a small boy: being a singer and performer. Yet, feeling Brian's trembling body close to his chased these thoughts away as right now all he could think of was Brian and how much he loved him. Brian needed him. 

"Don't be a prick Lou, you need us! We're making you mega bucks and that's all you care about. You'll not destroy us cause you need us and you know it. Plus don't forget I know things about you that you really wouldn't want to get out in public!" Nick shouted with defiance in his voice now.

It was strange, but in this moment Nick didn't feel like such a young guy. He felt like a man. Brian had certainly made him a man in the bedroom, but in this moment he felt like he was asserting himself and standing up to this bully of a man.

Nick glanced at Brian, hoping to see a glimmer of pride in Brian's eyes that Nick was standing up for them both. Yet all Nick saw in Brian's eyes was fear and sorrow. Nick felt a little wounded by this, maybe he wasn't so grown up after all when he needed some sort of sign of pride and appreciation from Brian. Brian looked so lost and desolate right now. 

Lou made a move towards them but Nick pushed him back with more force than he intended.

Lou fell onto the floor with a cry of: "Nick, you little bastard!" followed by some more venomous words which became muffled to Nick's ears as he pulled Brian back towards their room and slammed the door shut. 

"It's okay, Brian. You're safe now. I'll protect you. I love you with all my heart and I'll always keep you safe and be by your side!" Nick resolutely promised his lover. 

Yet when he turned to look round at Brian, Nick's heart felt heavy as Brian looked so dejected and downbeat. Nick really thought that this declaration of love would at least have sparked a little loving reaction from Brian but it seemed Nick's hopes were to be dashed as Brian just turned and slowly made his way to the bed.

"Brian, please just look at me and tell me you love me. Tell me that you'll always be by my side too!" Nick begged. 

He needed this reassurance from Brian right now. He felt as though his world was imploding with all the drama with Lou and what this could mean for his future as a Backstreet Boy plus the worry about Brian's heart. Now more than ever he needed some loving words from Brian to soothe his increasingly anxious mind. 

-

The fact that Nick was by his side now filled Brian with mixed emotions. While the possibility of Nicky fighting Lou made him feel worried, he needed Nick's strong arms so much right now. As Nick pulled him closer to his chest, Brian felt a warmth run through his body and he had a hard time not to lose himself in it. For a moment he just closed his eyes taking in his boyfriend's scent nuzzling up to him. Then Lou started to spit venom again.

The words their manager spoke were so wrong, implying that it might just happen that one day Brian would beat Nick up. It was a terrible lie. Brian wanted to scream and shout, deny those vile words, but he felt spent. The last bit of strength had left him, he couldn't move and he couldn't speak. All he could do was to cry. 

He felt so worried, having seen the anger boiling in Nick's eyes earlier. Now Lou was being the last drop of water, causing the barrel to overflow. Brian's body trembled as he heard Nick's angry response and he tensed up at the threat that ended it. 

That was not good. Nick couldn't say those things to Lou, he would use it against them. Besides of that it were words that Brian was shocked to hear from Nick's lips. Kill someone? 

Brian took a sharp breath. Had he felt any stronger at that moment, Brian would have pulled Nick backwards, told him to stop. Then he would have asked Lou to forgive Nick and come back the next day. He had begged for Lou's forgiveness to protect their careers, but now Nick's uncontrolled anger threatened to risk any peace he had made. It scared him because he didn't recognize his Nicky like that. It also scared him, because he was worried about Lou's reaction.

When it came as a threat to break them, Brian wondered what he meant. For some reason it felt like he wasn't just talking about their careers. Nick was greatly underestimating their manager and what power he had.

 _"Eight Weeks,"_ Lou's words echoed in his head.

Helplessly he looked up to Nick trying to make him see those worries he couldn't put into words, but Nick was focused on Lou and his anger. More words escaped his boyfriend's mouth and they once again proved, that he wasn't thinking.

Nick was wrong. Lou didn't need them, he could just throw them away and focus on his new money makers: *NSync. Then Nick blackmailed Lou. Brian was unsure how to feel about that, because he didn't know how much success that threat would have. Mostly he just worried about all Nick was saying. 

Nick faced him as if he was asking for some kind of praise, but all Brian felt was sorrow. His heart felt so heavy and Nick was risking so much with his words. This could only end badly and while Brian thought it was sweet, that Nick was trying to protect him, his boyfriend took the wrong way to do it.

It escalated as Nick pushed Lou backwards, causing him too fall. He slammed the door close between their manager and them. Then he whispered some loving words.

Brian's heart was aching. Lou would take revenge, he wouldn't let Nick acting the way he had just slide. He would never allow Brian to have a doctor's appointment anytime close now. Once again he felt scared.

Haunted by all those worries Brian slowly made his way towards the bed. His head was spinning, he needed to lay down. He had assumed Nick would follow, but as he heard him speak, he noticed how insecure his young lover truly was.

Didn't he know Brian loved him?

Slowly Brian lay down on the bed.

Howie's earlier words were long forgotten, when Brian felt his boyfriend becoming sad. Finally in a resting position he felt able to speak again.

"Come here, babe," he said to Nick and held one hand out to him.

It took a few slow steps by his lover until he joined him in the bed, laying down as well, facing Brian.

"I will always love you, you are part of me Nicky," Brian whispered and pulled Nick closer, "I just feel so damn tired and spent and what you have said wasn't smart," he told his lover honestly, as new tears started to take shape in his eyes, "Don't underestimate Lou," he sobbed, "I'm scared he will extend the tour even more, making me unable to visit a doctor anytime soon and he might even do worse things I can't think about now."

It was obvious to Brian, that those words hit Nick hard. His boyfriend hadn't thought that far and Brian could see the regret in his eyes. That had not been Brian's intention, he had not wanted to make Nick feel bad, but he had wanted to share what he felt.

Nick couldn't respond as Brian leaned in and gave him a soft and passionate kiss. 

"Let us speak tomorrow Nick, not now, I'm really, really tired," Brian breathed out as he pulled from the kiss.

It was the truth, there was no way he could stay awake any longer. Before Brian closed his eyes he pulled Nick into a loving embrace. Sleep came over him quickly.


End file.
